"Your Mindset is your Superpower in your Weight Loss Journey" - this is what I discovered in the last weeks with my 2017 respawn in my fitness journey.
As I plan out my life more and more, I get to a whole new level of control in my life that I never expected. I'm still working on the Nerd Fitness Academy goal and mental health is a huge topic there and everything starts in building the right mindset and daily habits for an "antifragile" lifestyle, as Steve Kamb, the founder of Nerdfitness.com calls it.
For my mental health I'll work at a small meditation challenge for the next 2 weeks.
Thank you so much for watching!
Yours, Elanor
Please excuse my English - I do my best, because I feel at the right place in the English speaking community but I'm no native speaker.
My favourite fitness channels at the moment:
DaveDoesWeightloss https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC9gMoTx2EFYRnzWwYADEhRA
ObesetoBeast https://www.youtube.com/user/ObesetoBeast
Nerdfitness https://www.youtube.com/user/NerdFitness
LiveLeanTV https://www.youtube.com/user/bradgouthrofitness
ModernHealthMonk https://www.youtube.com/user/ModernHealthMonk
GaugeGirlTraining: https://www.youtube.com/user/gaugegirl82
Fitness Marshall: https://www.youtube.com/user/TheFitnessMarshall
My social media:
YouTube; https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCUL0Eq7QLwnGwYlUVW_gBog
Blog: http://elanorthefairsjourney.blogspot.fr/
Instagram; @elanorsjourney
Art channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCb9po5XOs5n-wYPm0oVurDQ
OMG - I'm freaking out - why am I shaking just because it's weigh-in day?
I feel shattered although the results are not so bad - within 6 weeks I've gained so much endurance and I have made only little changes to my diet to not starve myself - yes, I've gained 1,5 kgs (no wonder) - I've lost 2 centimeters around my hip and gained some in my tighs - is this good? Seems that's where the new muscle power is coming from.
Phew - I really need to write this down and make my video because I'm really anxious about all of this, seeing my weight go up and my mind is shrieking: "Oh my god, this is so terrible, I don't want this, I want my fat to go away, leave me alone!!!"
I mean, I would be the last person on this planet to complain if I had 20-30kgs to loose, but being so terribly obese while I love sports and being outside so much really really hurts me! I have tears running down my face now.
It seems I don't take this weight loss thing serious enough!
But I just want to find a way without starving myself, with having the same energy as I have at the moment.
Why is this weigh-in/measuring day freaking me out so much? Can anyone relate?
Please send me any support you have to keep me going, trusting, and not jumping off the wagon. I had 6 weeks and it feels like I've screwed them, although I was so confident - how can the stupid numbers not reflect that?
I feel so alone ... next week I will go to Germany and I will be anxious all the time again if anyone remarks me not having lost anything. I'm so tired of it. It's not the only reason this is depressing but it's just that I can't change anything anymore ...
Screw it!
What am I going to do next - what are my conclusions about everything?
*taking a deep breath*
1. I WILL STAY ON TRACK!
I will keep exercising - everyday.
I will continue mealplanning.
2. I WILL START TO SCEDULE
I will scedule workouts, mealplans AND ALSO the weigh-in/measuring - this will help me to be more serious about everything I think and to plan out more smartly.
3. I WILL WORK PRIORITIZING
It seems that I sometimes don't take nutrition for serious and plan everything how I REALLY WANT IT. This is true to other things in my life too.
Was there anything else this week?
My dog, that I had for over 14 years, died, I had visit from relatives I haven't seen in a very long time, I had some arguements with my husband, we still had car problems and no money in the bank this week again. At least the thing with the money has been cleared. The cars are running again but there's still some things to get checked.
Considering all of this I really could be happy that my progress hasn't stalled even more, normally I would have fallen off the wagon far sooner.
AND I RODE MY BIKE TO WORK LAST WEEK! HUGE LEVEL UP!!!!
So, overall I'm still happy - it's just the measuring day that got me freaked out - but thanks to this blog I have somewhere I can reflect on this and not push it down without looking at it.
Thank you for all the support I already have received - you're so great!!!!!
You keep me accountable - 7th video already in 2017!!!!
<3
Next week I will be in Germany for work and I don't know if I'll be able to write or film, but I will post something anyways - maybe make some nice footage there.
this week really was full of challenges; our car broke down, my husband got sick and I had to do all the farm work alone, the money didn't arrive the date it was planned and everyone in my family was really busy with their own work. I was left with all my farmwork alone ...
BUT!
... that way I was active everyday and more or less got all my goals in and this really surprised me because I was really struggling.
Even mealplanning finally starts to get easier and we had got 2 meals left over so we were able to go 1 more day without shopping. As I'm writing this, 2,5 kgs of chicken is baking in the oven for tomorrows family meeting. Yes, I'm especially proud of how I'm doing when life tests me.
This week I will leave out the question of the week, as I just want this update to be "out there". ;)
Having a daily workout routine really seems to be working out for me - this is what I feel woud be my answer for last weeks question.
UPDATE:
My energy levels are rising because of the workouts and the biking every morning - it's the best thing that happened to me in a long time! Weather will be good the next days and maybe I'll even hop on my mountainbike and go for a ride outside!
The mealplanning experiences are mixed - I still struggle with planning everything ahead and doing the shopping at the right moment. But I feel that when it's challenging this means that I'll expand my knowledge - next week I will report how it turned out.
AND: there was a huge level up in my life: I bought myself a laptop again so I'll be able to work from everywhere. Especially because I tend to eat when I'm bored and sitting around. Now I have my own workspace with me and can do something else.
It also helps me decrease stress and pressure around my worktime as I'm not longer tied to my desktop PC at home for my freelancing work but I can take most of the things to other places - outside even!
MY QUESTION OF THE WEEK: On your fitness journey, what changes did you make to your environment be it workspace, gym or household? Were there specific items you purchased that helped you stay on track on the long run?
As always, I would be delighted to read any answers or inspiration on this topic.
Now for last weeks question, where I was asking, how to deal with the expectations of others and the fear of letting them down.
I'm so happy I adressed this question as I was able to reflect on everything and was pointed into the direction. Was it a coincidence that this week I saw a new video of both ModernHealthMonk and ObesetoBeast talking about this topic?
John Glaude from ObesetoBeast mentioned in his video, that his family and friends saw a "beacon of hope" in him, as he was losing weight and that he would stress out about not letting them down too, ordering salad in the Restaurant when he was with them, to show them, that he was eating healthy, even if he would be binging alone at home afterwards. Wow, that was so well described and really struck me but also made me understand, that I'm not alone with my thoughts and that others have been through this and have made it and so he'S some kind of "Beacon of Hope" also for me.
And then there was the nice reply of lynneta in the Nerdfitness forums that I will cite here:
Thank you so much for this! I will see if I can get that book!
This made me realize that all of this comes down to one thing: SELF CONFIDENCE and this is something I have to work on on my own. If I don't trust myself and if I permit myself to let myself down, I will of course be afraid of being judged.
and it really makes the point I think. How should others look up to you or me when we don't even have faith in ourselves and in what we are doing? If we aren't strong enough to stand up for our beliefs and are not proud to talk to someone else about it?
We should look forward to those bullys and want our journey to be challenging and not too much straight forward!
But to walk ahead, we have to train and know where on the path we are standing. Working out, even though it's more cardio I'm doing at the moment, helps me a lot to gain self assurance.
Let's see how this adventure unfolds!
Thank you so much for reading!
Yours,
Elanor
Please excuse my English - I do my best, because I feel at the right place in the English speaking community but I'm no native speaker.
I promised an update of my 2 weeks challenge in the Nerdfitness Academy Respawn 2017 and here it comes:
It went really well and I could stick to most of the habits even during my stay at my family's in Germany - it's small steps to get used to drink water again and also the other points I could check off - only 1 workout remains.
I directly went into new goals for this week wich will be to continue mealplanning for 3-4 days ahead. I still struggle with it a little and I don't get the portions well balanced but I'm working on it. I rewarded myself getting a BRITA Waterfilter which is really cool and I love drinking water even more as I prefer water without all the "extras" in form of chlorine, metals etc.
Additionally, I decided to adress 1 question a week here on my blog and also on my YouTube-Channel. There's always so much on my mind and I have no one except my online community I can talk to. At the end of the week I will resume what I've found out.
This week my question is to understand better how to deal with the expectations from others around you regarding weight loss.
Was it a mistake to speak openly about what I'm doing with others? Now, I have several people on my back always watching out when they meet me to see whether or not I've gained or lost weight. This is really stressful and I start feeling afraid of deceiving them. Of course this is also some kind of motivation for me but it also starts to be of a pressure.
I already did damage my metabolism and also my menstrual cycle in the past just by pushing to hard and starving myself. Now is time for doing things slowly but steadily and accepting myself, getting the proper mindset and starting again. But I have no way explaining all of this to everyone - of course, in my close family, everything is ok - I'm really glad about that. But my boss at work for example, really expects me to lose weight ...
Do you have any ideas or experiences about this issue? I'm glad for anything!
Thank you for reading or watching!
My next goals are to hop on my hometrainer bike every morning for 2 weeks and continue mealplanning.
I'll check in with you soon!
Regards,
Elanor
Please excuse my English - I do my best, because I feel at the right place in the English speaking community but I'm no native speaker.
Thank you for inspiring me to revive my weight loss YouTube-Channel as it felt so good to talk so openly to the camera and knowing my questions out there now. Thank to the videos of Davedoesweightloss, Obesetobeast, Nerdfitness, LiveLeanTV, ModernHealthMonk and many more (see the links below) for inspiring me and guiding.
With this video I want to start to get answers to questions that are going through my mind. Please feel free to answer and/or give me your opinions to the questions. I will definetely get back to you. To remember, here are my questions shortened in written format:
1. What would you advise me to get tested at the doctors especially thyroid related - which hormones are to betested? What other exams can be helpful?
2. If you yourself went to the doctor to get checked for similar reasons, what were the symptoms which got you to think that something was wrong with your hormones?
3. Eating more to weigh less? What's going on with the TDEE, reverse dieting, and to low calory diets? Any experiences welcome!!!
4. Meanwhile I love working out but it seems that I'm always pushing to hard - is there any helpful advice to know when to stop? Do you know any workouts that have low impact on the legs? Would biking help?
5. Do you want to see guitar covers?
Please, when responding to any of the health related questions, precise, what background you have with those topics. I'm really interested in feedback and suggestions of any sort, but I need to know whether a doctor is writing or someone with own experience. Thank you so much!!!
Keep me accountable in subscribing and checking in with me next week.
And please excuse my English - I do my best, because I feel at the right place in the English speaking community but I'm no native speaker.
Yes, it's me! I took a break from writing while the preparations in my family for the pastry chef exams where around and I had to try and judge pastry nearly every day :P
But this break really changed everything - I suddenly was so relaxed I didn't even feel hungry anymore!!! Of course I'm sure to have gained the weight back, but I feel so much better and my body shows me with many subtle signs, that letting go of the stress while at the same time having cleared my emotions, was a very good thing.
A lot of my internet fitness buddy Apocalypse's diet suggestions stick around however - I'm having muesli every morning and force myself to have breakfast and just feel so amazing! I also try to stick to it with the meals - a big healing has happened inside of me and I can't thank him enough!!!
Overall I'm living a much healthier lifestyle than last year - snacking is no longer uncontrolled and I even start to get a grip on those portion controls. Weight wise, I doesn't seem to change, but screw the scale for the moment - I learn so much about myself - that's so much more important and I hope to be able to share some of those things in the next entries with you too. :-)
I was away a lot for work too. In Switzerland I was the co-trainer on a horse workshop. You can see me here, at minute 1:32 - I was working with this amazing stallion called Kelian - look at me close to this bundle of muscles and power!
And what now?
I've got a hometrainer bike!!!!
As it's been raining for over a week and there's flooded roads everywhere, I sat on that very old bike inside and yesterday I reached a round number, so I decided I'll challenge myself to do 100 km during the month of June!
It's a VERY old machine - very interesting - everything works mechanically, no digital display. It must be around 40-50 years old! The kilometers count shows already over 3000 km! Wow! This is what it looks like (photo isn't mine).
I sat on it the last 2 months rather casually, not really looking at the kilometers - but as the pastry exam is over I was looking for a new challenge - so here we go ;-)
You'll read me again on Wednesday - enjoy the rest of this Sunday and let's hope that it will sotp raining once in a while!
It took me some time to sit down and write this post - challenge #9 with the mealplan has really been instructive and I somehow know more about where I want to go now.
But it seems to need some preparation. As I wrote before - I feel like standing at a crossroad - knowing I will go, but not feeling a pressure to be in a hurry, but planning wisely the next move.
Putting myself through random challenges over and over again has made me stronger, but to make this real change, I will need a strategy to stick to for a longer period of time. There must be the one moment I can cure my food addiction and I figured out, there will be a period of rehab time.
So, to conclude this challenge, I went off track for the last week of this challenge because as I was forced to have some slips, it was getting more and more difficult to get back on track and I felt that this wasn't going to do me good.
I only shop for lean protein, potatoes, rice and muesli still but as my father and sisters are preparing for their pastry chef exams, there's temptation everywhere and they need a gusto from time to time. I cannot willpower through this (and do I even want?) without being well prepared.
It seems that I will have to refine several things yet and pay attention to those little things: tking into account that I will no longer be able to stuff my face with food when I'm feeling weak, depressed or stressed - that my body will feel to want to get more food in and I will not be as "strong" as I'm now, that my husband will have to know exactly what I'm doing etc.
For travel, I will have to be prepared too: I will have to know exactly what I need, so I can say to my friends what I eat and what I don't whithout offending them. And I will have to be clear with all of this and don't let myself get distracted by the opinions of others and new fancy internet diets.
Do you think it's okay if I wait for all of this for four weeks until the pastry exams have passed?
Well, I do think it's okay.
But I will do another challenge anyway - a last one, that isn't 100% focused on my fitness goals, but more on preparing next challenge and building up mindfulness while eating and a clear daily structure that will help me afterwards.
Of course, I'm not looking into the weeks for binging but I will continue buying healthy foods and eat them! I just won't be very restrictive.
So, that's my word for today - last challenge really was great and hey! I finally got that hometrainer - it's a very old one stil relying on mechanics for measuring distance - some friend of mine surprised me with it - his grandpa wanted to throw it away - that's how the rewards come in. I'll post a picture soon!
I'm about to get in the car to leave for Switzerland for work for the weekend - this is my challenge update post on-the-go.
For this challenge I've been surprised to have practical tools at hand how to get a grip on my eating habits although I wasn't really prepared for it. Yes, I know now that I can commit to this but that it also needs some commitment and planning of other things. I will have to set clear goals, create a step-by-step road I can stick to in a longer term than just one challenge. I'll have to set priorities in my life and set limits to where I say NO to temptation and how to still be able to join social meetings.
I'll also have to simplify my life more so I won't get triggered by stress so easily - and I will also have to start thinking of all of this like a rehab period: that will ask of me restriction, but that will transition to a normal life - my dieting won't rule all my day!!! But in the first time maybe.
So, this end of the week I wasn't perfectionist when it came to my diet. I'm happy to be able to prepare the trip to Switzerlnd and I will meet a lot of horses and people and maybe I'll also get osme feedback from outside on how to start all this process.
I thank you all for reading - sorry I couldn't write more - see you on Monday!
Yours,
Elanor
So, this is me writing a thoughtful post today. First of all: I didn't lose any weight during last week, tough my body feels about 10 kgs lighter! I wasn't my best week concerning food - I felt terrible about it - sometimes I had so much work I forgot to eat, finding myself really starving, around other people stuffing themselves with chocolates and some special food, so I'm proud to say that I managed to stay "clean of candy" during the week, but sometimes I had to eat something that definetely wasn't on my plan because I had no other options and I already had waited for a better occasion for some hours.
I'm really glad about all the help I get in the Nerd-Fitness-Community and for every instruction, advice, experience or just good feelings shared. I don't know where I would be without you.
It's also great to be able to experience with the actual meal plan, how food addiction works and how my body is able to heal itself as long as I stick to it. But I'm also really surprised of how much a mental and psychological "battle" this is.
I won't go through all the detailed thoughts I went through during last week, but something seems to be sticking aroung. I have the feeling, that my struggle with food and health starts to reveal more and more other issues in my life - how my lifestyle affects me and who I am as a body and what I can do and what I can't.
Today I'm at a point where it feels that I need to make some overall level UP - within a year I managed to stop snacking and many more things I never thought possible. I hacked myself to a point, where I optimized my daily routine so I can get everything done. But now it seems, that if I really want to do this, I will have to commit to ... hm, how to say ... myself basically and to say "yes" to who I am and to my body and leave some things surrounding me at the same time.
As I have to leave the house now, it seems that it's not for today to write more in detail about it, but I wanted to let you know about all of this. It's an exciting adventure - thank you for being there with me!
I don't know why the last days I was so stressed - there was also going on a lot emotionally and everytime I sat down to write my next blogentry something blocked - as though I hadn't figured out something.
Before this week is over, I wanted to give everyone a sign, that I'm still alive. But I'm also not sure whether my inner block comes from a new wave of depression rising up - again, I'm confronted with some things I couldn't talk to anyone for a few days - now I forced myself to do it so I feel better.
Of course I've done a lot of other stuff but I also struggled with my diet because I really craved other foods and it was hard, being forced to sit and wait while my whole family stuffed themselves with chocolates and pastry and I start to crack after one hour - having to leave the room and feeling bad the rest of the day.
Any suggestions for this? It's especially difficult if we're sitting together and having to plan things throughout the week or having fun activities like board games, movie nights and - that's where I'll head now - photo slideshows of travel.
As a teenager I rode around with my bike throughout the countries we visited: in France I explored the hill around our house, in Germany we went on tours with my grandparents, in Italy I rode through the dry sun to cool myself, in Greece I played to be a horse rider and scout and I searched the environment for horses and in India I commited to the flow of traffic - rode for miles and miles and felt independent.
This week I got on my bike I had bought 2 years ago for fitness. I rode it a few times, but without really having fun. I'm 28 years old today and I have changed - physically mostly. I started disliking my bike last year, because I was used to drive city-bikes and this one is a mountain bike.
Riding through green fields on thursday
When I get up, I ride it as in the time when I was 13 years old - where the bike was my symbol of independence. But somehow it's different: my body behaves inexpectedly - I'm afraid of high speed, and I totally feel like a beginner.
This frustrated me. I wanted to do a 20 min ride to work up to an hour of biking through 1-2 weeks. After 3 mins my injured leg started to hurt - I put more power on the other, stretched it to get at least 5 mins. Then I got down, walked, stretched my muscles, got up for a few 100 meters again - thus making it a trip of 15 mins overall. As I was smart, I picked a tour that would be easier on the way home.
The feeling to ride was great - it really is my favorite way of exercising. But it feels frustrating to be at such a low level. I mean, those are not even baby steps - it's like having to learn everything all over again - as when I learned to bike as a little child: managing to drive my bike downhill into a bush so I wouldn't have to rely only on my skills to use the breaks. LOL
My hips and tighs have been hurting for two days because of those 15 minutes!!!!!! I mean, come on! At first I was worried if I had injurey myself - but no, yesterday, all pain was gone. It really only was soreness. Sigh. I still did two more rides, deciding I would go as long as it doesn't hurt and then immediatly go back.
Drawing I made for my NerdFitness character
What can I say? It resulted in a trip around my village and nothing more - less than 1km. I did it again today and made the trip some 500 meters more. But I started training my manoevering skills, driving closely around obstacles and over bumbs and unsteady ground - so it would be fun anyways.
It's hard to accept all of this, but you know why I keep doing it? Because the feeling in my body is so great afterwards!!! And the more I ride, the more I reconnect to the feeling of my childhood which I already believed forgotten! This makes my heart so joyful and I let go and listen to my body.
Yes, maybe I have to relearn how to move in this much heavier body first, before expecting more, but I love my body anyways - and in my heart, the independent warrior girl that traveled to find the horses is still the same! Maybe, she'll find the way to level up and fulfill her dream to ride horses again - in the past, she always found the way there in riding her bike first ...
... a little tear is rolling off my cheek as I write this ...
So, for those of you who want to see what I'm eating exactly throughout the week, here ya go:
I permit myself 1 rest day per week - this isn't supposed to be a cheat day but this time I ate some chocolate for example and we made dinner together as a family, having "Käs'spätzle" and a roasted pork. Typical german food.
It's challenge time!!! Last week was full of preparation!
Together with a fellow rebel we prepared a diet meal pland and I really want to find out how much weight I'm able to drop with it in the next 4 weeks.
It's protein-rich because it contains loads of yoghurt, quark, fish and chicken. The fat comes from olive oil and the rest is either oats, rice or swedish crispbread. It's a little more carbs than I usually do, but I'm looking forward to!!!
And of course there's loads of vegetables. I took my measurements yesterday already and made my weigh in. Now wish me luck for everything. My other goals for this challenge will be to workout again 9 times overall - that makes a little more than 2 workouts a week - but I won't do any lunges anymore as my injury after the last time really was annoying me.
My other goal is to meditate everyday for about 5 minutes and see what impact it has. I want to try so many things and the challenges are always great for it :-)
I wanted to do a video of my groceries that I got for the new mealplan but I wasn't able to do shopping on Saturday so I'll only be able to do it next week. Read me again soon!
It's wednesday and I wanted to talk about how my challenge ended but instead I want to talk about another subject. You can read my challenge's conclusion on the NF-boards.
Over the weekend I was at a horse workshop I really enjoyed - those who follow this blog regularly know my passion are horses but to be overweight and wanting to ride always causes some morality struggle: how much can you make your horse carry around. So, I started to feel guilty and not as good in shape as the others so I was no longer allowing myself to ride.
But I noticed, that through my intense diet and exercise practises, even though I'm not perfect at anything, I feel I've become really a fit person. I see so many people having the ideal body proportions but I reached a point this weekend, where I nearly had one of the best capacities when it came to strenght and endurance - compared to the other woman around my age.
Have you seen the beautiful videos of MODE on YouTube that went viral some time ago of that wonderful round lady performing amazing yoga postures? Or the "big guy" excelling at parcour? I will leave you the videos here to encourage everyone to no longer accept the opinion that you have to be at a certain bodyweight to perform something.
As a kid I loved Jake from "The Blues Brothers" dancing like a God. Didn't you?
So, I think on one hand this post is an encouragement, that you can be heavy and still follow your dreams - on the other hand it shows also, that exercise alone won't make the fat disappear. I just signed up for a new blog called "Dances with fat" of a beautiful dancer who is really passionate and writes inspiring and pleasant articles about no longer shaming yourself for being more round than others.
For my horse I will start a new diet challenge on Sunday (Mealplan is already prepared) and I will stick to it to make the pounds disappear if possible - but I will also stay true to my passion. Being FAT only concerns your measurements and eventually the number a scalel says - but it says nothing about how strong, endurant or agile you are!
Keep that in mind - I hope I was able to motivate you again on your journey!
So, today I woke up at 5:30 a.m. because me and my husband will leave for a trip to Germany to see our family, I did my workout and recorded a short video message which I just edited and added the 3rd song of this challenge that I recorded.
It's always amazing how the habits I choose to build turn out. This challenge's goals were to record and upload one song every week, to get some experience. You know, I don't want to be perfect in my recordings, I just want to DO them. There has to be a start somewhere and we all know we will suck the first times but it's "getting better all the time" ;-)
Once you make the first step, there's only improvement - even if you try to tell yourself that you're awful at what youre doing, you can't deny that there still is some improvement anyway.
The same is true for my recordings and you know what? I got motivated to record not only myself but also convinced my sisters to let me record them playing the piano and make a CD for our grandma with just 6 songs. I could easily add one of the songs I had recorded and wow - never thought that could be possible!!!
pixabay.com
The only thing I can tell you if you have a dream is to make one first step in any little way towards it - one where you can overcome your fear. If it's just to record you playing the drum on your cell phone and only listening to it yourself, that's fine. Next time you might share it with a close friend.
What really is important is that you choose a goal for yourself so you get to do it. Otherwise you'll push it away for later and never do it. Take 4 weeks, set some really easy goals and let yourself get inspired!!!
Make sure to check in here again during the week to see pictures from our trip to Bavaria!!!
I'm preparing for a trip to Germany at the moment, but I also found my motivation again to work out. Maybe I'll even find a way to work out while I'm on the road - I'll update of course here ;-)
In lack of a gym nearby I do some bodyweight exercises like push ups, squats, lunges, planks etc. Of course, I reduce the movements so I can do them in good form. If somebody is ready that has no idea what this might look like, here are some examples:
Instead of push ups on the floor I do wall push ups (yes, just standing in front of a wall).
Instead of lunges I do split squats:
After doing 4 times the "level 1" workout, I now switch to "level 2", adding some more repetitions and I'm really looking forward to it. So, before lunch, I'll head over to it - I hope to do a more detailed update of my fitness challenge.
I hate those kind of titles on the internet - everyone seems to be affected by depression nowadays - and now I find myself writing the exact thing because I really have to explain why there hasn't been any update on Wednesday.
I never thought about depression until it struck me last year around the day it was one year my mother had died and that I had some issues in my work. I knew some people that had had depression themselves but I also had met people that liked that depression made them feel special or that were just not suitable for society so they had to be "kept alive" with drugs and even others, that wanted to make others feel guilty.
When is the point that you diagnose a depression? It seems, that other than at the moment you receive it by a doctor, mostly people have to make this diagnose themselves because they no longer understand what's going on - or a friend/family member telling you.
It reminds me of starting to loose weight: because you can't really talk about it, it's all about that one moment when you decide for yourself to start changing - even if you don't know how to start.
Some time ago I wrote an article on this blog about myself starting to face my stuff more than stuff my face and I started to speak my mind and let go of being perfect to get everything out - especially if it's just small, unimportant things, I tend to swallow them but sometimes later the inner chocolate monster arises and wants me to compensate this social stress. And if I can't talk about it with the person implied I will talk about it with a friend or write a blogpost about it.
To be fair, I announced this to my family members so they don't get shocked and for myself this is really good and I feel much lighter.
2 days later my sister walked up to me and said she wanted to do that too. She was struggling a long time already to find words and she spent some of her teen years more recluded than her personality usually was. In the last year we barely were able to speak with her because she felt blocked.
But what I had said seemed to touch her and within 3 days she let go and talked about all her fears and pressure she's making herself and her depressed feelings. It was a big opening and sometimes not easy to digest if you see someone so close to you talking about a lot of depressing things.
So, all my energy was focused around that - she had the real depression, one that you're unable to express, just a mindset that pulls you into a more and more dark environment. But it helped so much, that I had read about people having depression and that so many are open to talk about it - so please keep spamming the internet about depression!!!! I now fully understand!
I'm also glad that I can understand my sister today after my breakdown last year, because how to imagine the inability to speak? I mean, it's just opening your mouth to someone you trust! So, you have to have experienced it to understand it!
So, today I recorded my next song and I think I will upload the video tomorrow, I did my workout and yesterday we went shopping for a healthy weekend diet wise. I also finally was able to start working on the next book project with my boss which is quite exciting and FINALLY the weather starts to shift and the sun is showing up!
Let the sun shine in!!!
and to celebrate all of this, here comes my favorite song from the movie "Hair" (somewhat depression also, but very very powerful!!!!):
Yeah - I've been rocking my first workout! My body just feels awesome!!!
I love this meme I just found because I also destroyed myself: my ego! It's always talking me into staying in my comfort zone but I feel so good when just moving at least a little.
But one thing I'm still lacking: my reward for the completion of the challenge - any ideas someone?
It's 6 o'clock in the morning and I can't sleep again after my husband left for work at 4. As I want to get enough rest for the day, I decided doing this blogpost now so I don't get stressed about it later - at least that's what's been happening throughout the week, leading to not having written a thing on wednesday and not yet having recorded the new video.
But I'm eagerly preparing the challenge which is starting today. But I wanted to update how the last challenge ended. Here's the copy-paste that I wrote in my Nerd Fitness challenge-log:
Ok, this challenge did not work the way I intended but led me to rethink several things and I finally think that I found out more about what suits me. So, just to recap what I’ve done this 2 weeks:
I informed myself about thyreoid issues (maybe I’ll write more about this on my blog).
I reinstalled my computer and finally got some work done
I reorganized my daily scedule to be able to flow again
I prioritized my mental health also, writing about how I feel on my blog but I also made it a priority to speak up immediatly when I feel stressed about someone and resolve the issue - as small as it might be
I focused on what really helped me: paleo diet and not fussing so much about counting calories. Result: weight gain stopped! I’m so relieved. I’m feeling more energetic again and my immune system starts to be in good shape.
I informed myself about how strenght training works and how the exercises can be properly done taking in consideration my massive weight because I have the tendency to overdo them and making to much.
I spent around 2-4 hours outside working almost everyday in every weather.
I got enough sleep whenever I needed.
I spent 5 days in listening to spiritual retreat talks (about 3 hours) while doing my daily chores
I could add to this list many things but those are real achievements and I think that I deserve my reward and to consider this challenge a real level up! I will buy myself a new agenda as I said.
And another reward I already started celebrating: you know, I want to find a way in doing more strenght training again - softer, but more often. I realized that I needed some space for this where I felt comfortable doing the movements - a batcave somewhere I like to be. So, today I started decluttering a part of my bedroom that was used for laundry and I will install myself there - level by level - with my dumbbells, my yoga mat etc. yay!
So, I hope you read me again soon with the details for my new challenge!
yay!