After having to go to Germany over the past week end I'm back and wanted to give you a little update. I dreaded being told off for not having lost anymore weight but I somehow really felt, that my weight is just one part of me and does not define who I am and if others like me.
They will of course talk with me about fitness and show maybe their concern about me but this can also be because they want to see me happy and healthy. In no way does this affect my relationship to them though and I won't be a better person, just because I'm a different weight. I'm glad for really being able to feel this.
OMG - I'm freaking out - why am I shaking just because it's weigh-in day?
I feel shattered although the results are not so bad - within 6 weeks I've gained so much endurance and I have made only little changes to my diet to not starve myself - yes, I've gained 1,5 kgs (no wonder) - I've lost 2 centimeters around my hip and gained some in my tighs - is this good? Seems that's where the new muscle power is coming from.
Phew - I really need to write this down and make my video because I'm really anxious about all of this, seeing my weight go up and my mind is shrieking: "Oh my god, this is so terrible, I don't want this, I want my fat to go away, leave me alone!!!"
I mean, I would be the last person on this planet to complain if I had 20-30kgs to loose, but being so terribly obese while I love sports and being outside so much really really hurts me! I have tears running down my face now.
It seems I don't take this weight loss thing serious enough!
But I just want to find a way without starving myself, with having the same energy as I have at the moment.
Why is this weigh-in/measuring day freaking me out so much? Can anyone relate?
Please send me any support you have to keep me going, trusting, and not jumping off the wagon. I had 6 weeks and it feels like I've screwed them, although I was so confident - how can the stupid numbers not reflect that?
I feel so alone ... next week I will go to Germany and I will be anxious all the time again if anyone remarks me not having lost anything. I'm so tired of it. It's not the only reason this is depressing but it's just that I can't change anything anymore ...
Screw it!
What am I going to do next - what are my conclusions about everything?
*taking a deep breath*
1. I WILL STAY ON TRACK!
I will keep exercising - everyday.
I will continue mealplanning.
2. I WILL START TO SCEDULE
I will scedule workouts, mealplans AND ALSO the weigh-in/measuring - this will help me to be more serious about everything I think and to plan out more smartly.
3. I WILL WORK PRIORITIZING
It seems that I sometimes don't take nutrition for serious and plan everything how I REALLY WANT IT. This is true to other things in my life too.
Was there anything else this week?
My dog, that I had for over 14 years, died, I had visit from relatives I haven't seen in a very long time, I had some arguements with my husband, we still had car problems and no money in the bank this week again. At least the thing with the money has been cleared. The cars are running again but there's still some things to get checked.
Considering all of this I really could be happy that my progress hasn't stalled even more, normally I would have fallen off the wagon far sooner.
AND I RODE MY BIKE TO WORK LAST WEEK! HUGE LEVEL UP!!!!
So, overall I'm still happy - it's just the measuring day that got me freaked out - but thanks to this blog I have somewhere I can reflect on this and not push it down without looking at it.
Thank you for all the support I already have received - you're so great!!!!!
You keep me accountable - 7th video already in 2017!!!!
<3
Next week I will be in Germany for work and I don't know if I'll be able to write or film, but I will post something anyways - maybe make some nice footage there.
I'm about to get in the car to leave for Switzerland for work for the weekend - this is my challenge update post on-the-go.
For this challenge I've been surprised to have practical tools at hand how to get a grip on my eating habits although I wasn't really prepared for it. Yes, I know now that I can commit to this but that it also needs some commitment and planning of other things. I will have to set clear goals, create a step-by-step road I can stick to in a longer term than just one challenge. I'll have to set priorities in my life and set limits to where I say NO to temptation and how to still be able to join social meetings.
I'll also have to simplify my life more so I won't get triggered by stress so easily - and I will also have to start thinking of all of this like a rehab period: that will ask of me restriction, but that will transition to a normal life - my dieting won't rule all my day!!! But in the first time maybe.
So, this end of the week I wasn't perfectionist when it came to my diet. I'm happy to be able to prepare the trip to Switzerlnd and I will meet a lot of horses and people and maybe I'll also get osme feedback from outside on how to start all this process.
I thank you all for reading - sorry I couldn't write more - see you on Monday!
Yours,
Elanor
Ok it's only a Radler wich is a Mix of beer and soda. As you can see Im not very strict with my diet nowadays. My trip to germany is going well but it's stressful. And lots of great food of course. After my Workout on Sunday im left with an injured foot so no Workouts in the Moment too.
I just watched those guys over and over again - they are so amazing!!! Please enjoy!
Making videos for this blog has really inspired me to film myself singing - of course, it won't be as catchy and professional as those guys but I ache to do so already since last year!!! I love singing and playing the guitar and I've developed some skill overtime. It would be just for fun and to get out some of my emotions.
Here, this clip was made on chistmas evening 2013 - I had a cold, there was a storm outside and the only thing I did was humming ;-)
Is there some news from me from the fitness battlefront?
Well - I screwed all my goal because nothing goes according to plan this week but there's definetely something worth sharing with you guys: MY COMPUTER IS RUNNING AGAIN!!!!
So, now only the installing of software is to be done and I will be operational again. Let's hope for the next clip to be edited correctly again.
Back to fitness :P
I did some research concerning the hashimoto-thyreoiditis disease I might be concerned with. I wanted to know more as it is common in my family and I'm really the biggest of everyone. I found a course in German language that explains really good - I'm watching the videos and hope to be finished with it by Sunday so I can tell you more.
Somehow I'm really confident and trusting at the moment although I gained weight back because it feels that I'm discovering things that are suitable for my journey in the future and there will be better weeks.
I'll leave you with this short glimpse of my feelings and you'll read me again on Sunday!
I'm one day late again and on Sunday I just left you my Vlog but it summarized very well everything I wanted to say. I'm still doing one more rest week and because I don't know what kind of article I should write today (not that I'm lacking ideas but I decided not to stress to much today), I just wanted to update what went good and bad the last days. Goodies
I'm getting more and more peaceful inside and I start to accept more and more who I am and be ok with it. I'm not where I set my goals and it's good to pursue them, but I've achieved so much that if I don't give credit to that, I will end up only pressuring myself wich leads me to eating because of stress.
Baddies
My diet is really going crazy in the meantime. Many things still stick and my eating habits are much more regular than they were before but I'm eating too much, too often and the wrong things - *sigh.
I hope you see me on the NF-boards on Sunday - yours,
Elanor
It's Sunday night and I had to wait for my husband to go to bed to be able to write this article on his computer because - as I said before on my Vlog - my own computer broke down on Friday.
I'm so glad I already had saved all my files and tomorrow morning I will be calling the company concerning the hard drive's warranty - until everything is solved I will then be reduced to check my e-mails and Facebook on other family member's computers which means, as I'm a graphic designer, I won't be able to work neither to make my Vlogs and stuff ... sigh ...
Okay, so let's talk about fitness and weight loss again so I can distract my mind a little.
(*clenches teeth because Myfitnesspal won't allow myself to connect via Facebook on this computer ...*)
Even though my weight loss progress scale wise is minimal and I can't really track my day neither on MFP nor on Habitica without having to log in and out every few minutes, I start to see progress. I really struggled with my farm work in the past few week but finally my body seems to have adapted to it. I need to take 1-2 days off per week, but I'm no longer at the limits of my strenght and endurance everytime so I gain hope for the future.
My plan is to add more of the following to my daily activities: gardening (yummy healthy food), dancing, strenght training.
The Nerdfitness challenge ends today and I'll have a whole week to decide on new goals and I will definetely start in incorporationg more exercise into my day via the mentioned activities.
I also will find a way to cut out grains more and more and restricting my snacks even more, starting to pay attention to my macros. What the exact goals will be to achieve this is not yet decided though.
I think I'll leave you with this short update for today - you might read more on Wednesday because even though the challenge has ended, I will update here twice a week as usual.
Thanks for your support - please give me a +1 or leave me a comment if you like what I write to show me you're there.
Hello my dear readers!
A very ... special ... week has just ended and I don't know yet, where my mind is at the moment. Most of it is fitness/weight loss related - but there are a few other personal things that changed too.
The scale wasn't very kind to me today - seems that I've gained weight again - aliments with wheat really seem to make me bloated even though I stay within my calorie goal ... gluten sensitive? I don't know - there are so many sceptic people about it - but I'll stick to my opinion, that the paleo diet is the best for me so I won't worry too much about.
So, this was my first "discovery" of the week: it ALSO matters WHAT I eat, not only, how many calories it has - sigh. Second: I'm still thinking about how to integrate more exercise into my day but on the other hand I feel exhausted also. I hope I will build more and more endurance - I do quite a workout everyday in the stables but I really would love to do more!!!!!!!!!
Then my sister's finally got her driving license! She's so proud because driving was one of her greatest hobbies and now she's finally allowed to do it with any normal vehicle on normal roads. It really will be a big help for all of us.
On the other hand it reminded me of the time when I made my license - how much difficulty I had to put everything into practical. I really feel comfortable learning theoretical stuff but never really found my place in anything physical - often because I was so heavy. It's not that I need to be better than others but I would really love to enjoy moving again - not feeling to have to push myself but that everything flows ... just because of the fun of it ...
... omg, I'm nearly crying now - I didn't expect this - but it is true: I struggle to move this heavy body everyday and the best it gets is still so much less than any "normal" person - it's so much easier for them ...
...
Let's look at it in a more lighthearted way:
So, while I'm gulping down my water I still need to drink for today I have to say, that I'm happy overall - I just need to digest everything. So much is coming to the surface of my mind at the moment that I'm sometimes just sitting around and thinking.
But I know this will pass and that my comittment to this blog, my fitness and diet will help me.
I've prepared a better shopping list so I will make sure to have enough protein and veggies around for next week and I want to incorporate some squats, planks, push ups and inverted rows into my daily work, as well as added some clear goals to my habitica.
Please excuse me for this random ramble today and I hope you check in again!
So, it's Sunday night and I'm supposed to write a small article here and I'm gathering the rest of today's energy to stick to it, even if I have the feeling of having screwed - or, let's be more correct: it didn't go according to my plan.
But this is always a valuable lesson for me: letting go of control. My husband said to me some time ago that I really could be a total control freak ... sigh ... I think there's worse than me but I take this feedback seriously.
I'm tired - I haven't weighed myself because the morning evolved differently as I thought and I have the feeling to have totally overeaten. I'll head over to MyFitnessPal to check my calories and then I'm done for today. I hope I will upload the next video tomorrow but weighing will be on Tuesday I'm afraid.
