Why am I freaking out about my measurements / weigh-in?

OMG - I'm freaking out - why am I shaking just because it's weigh-in day?

I feel shattered although the results are not so bad - within 6 weeks I've gained so much endurance and I have made only little changes to my diet to not starve myself - yes, I've gained 1,5 kgs (no wonder) - I've lost 2 centimeters around my hip and gained some in my tighs - is this good? Seems that's where the new muscle power is coming from.

Phew - I really need to write this down and make my video because I'm really anxious about all of this, seeing my weight go up and my mind is shrieking: "Oh my god, this is so terrible, I don't want this, I want my fat to go away, leave me alone!!!"

I mean, I would be the last person on this planet to complain if I had 20-30kgs to loose, but being so terribly obese while I love sports and being outside so much really really hurts me! I have tears running down my face now.

It seems I don't take this weight loss thing serious enough!

But I just want to find a way without starving myself, with having the same energy as I have at the moment.

Why is this weigh-in/measuring day freaking me out so much? Can anyone relate?

Please send me any support you have to keep me going, trusting, and not jumping off the wagon. I had 6 weeks and it feels like I've screwed them, although I was so confident - how can the stupid numbers not reflect that?

I feel so alone ... next week I will go to Germany and I will be anxious all the time again if anyone remarks me not having lost anything. I'm so tired of it. It's not the only reason this is depressing but it's just that I can't change anything anymore ...

Screw it!

What am I going to do next - what are my conclusions about everything?

*taking a deep breath*

1. I WILL STAY ON TRACK!
I will keep exercising - everyday.
I will continue mealplanning.

2. I WILL START TO SCEDULE
I will scedule workouts, mealplans AND ALSO the weigh-in/measuring - this will help me to be more serious about everything I think and to plan out more smartly.

3. I WILL WORK PRIORITIZING
It seems that I sometimes don't take nutrition for serious and plan everything how I REALLY WANT IT. This is true to other things in my life too.


Was there anything else this week?

My dog, that I had for over 14 years, died, I had visit from relatives I haven't seen in a very long time, I had some arguements with my husband, we still had car problems and no money in the bank this week again. At least the thing with the money has been cleared. The cars are running again but there's still some things to get checked.

Considering all of this I really could be happy that my progress hasn't stalled even more, normally I would have fallen off the wagon far sooner.

AND I RODE MY BIKE TO WORK LAST WEEK! HUGE LEVEL UP!!!!

So, overall I'm still happy - it's just the measuring day that got me freaked out - but thanks to this blog I have somewhere I can reflect on this and not push it down without looking at it.

Thank you for all the support I already have received - you're so great!!!!!

You keep me accountable - 7th video already in 2017!!!!

<3

Next week I will be in Germany for work and I don't know if I'll be able to write or film, but I will post something anyways - maybe make some nice footage there.

Yours,
Elanor

What if life is a test?

Hello my fellow Rebels,


here goes this weeks
UPDATE:

this week really was full of challenges; our car broke down, my husband got sick and I had to do all the farm work alone, the money didn't arrive the date it was planned and everyone in my family was really busy with their own work. I was left with all my farmwork alone ...

BUT!

... that way I was active everyday and more or less got all my goals in and this really surprised me because I was really struggling.

Even mealplanning finally starts to get easier and we had got 2 meals left over so we were able to go 1 more day without shopping. As I'm writing this, 2,5 kgs of chicken is baking in the oven for tomorrows family meeting. Yes, I'm especially proud of how I'm doing when life tests me.

This week I will leave out the question of the week, as I just want this update to be "out there". ;)

Having a daily workout routine really seems to be working out for me - this is what I feel woud be my answer for last weeks question.

Thank you for checking out this post!

Yours,
Elanor

Do you have to work out daily?

My Short list of an Update:

Question of the week: Do you also work out daily and just rotate the type of exercise or do you rest completely and then push with more intensity the other days?
My weekly weight loss journey's update: 2 weeks challenge is over - drinking water is becoming natural to me - mealplanning is still a struggle but it keeps getting better and I will find ways to improve.
Biking is great - much improvement - workouts done - did workouts daily this week!

Fitness Marshall Cardio Workout: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DX9R-...

Last weeks question:
Laptop really put stress out of my life and I feel much more productive and less stressed.

Next weeks new habit:
- working out everyday with strenght training every 2nd day.
- continue smart mealplanning

Yours,
Elanor

Changing my life in the right places - the importance of optimizing my surroundings

UPDATE:
My energy levels are rising because of the workouts and the biking every morning - it's the best thing that happened to me in a long time! Weather will be good the next days and maybe I'll even hop on my mountainbike and go for a ride outside!

The mealplanning experiences are mixed - I still struggle with planning everything ahead and doing the shopping at the right moment. But I feel that when it's challenging this means that I'll expand my knowledge - next week I will report how it turned out.

AND: there was a huge level up in my life: I bought myself a laptop again so I'll be able to work from everywhere. Especially because I tend to eat when I'm bored and sitting around. Now I have my own workspace with me and can do something else.
It also helps me decrease stress and pressure around my worktime as I'm not longer tied to my desktop PC at home for my freelancing work but I can take most of the things to other places - outside even!

MY QUESTION OF THE WEEK:
On your fitness journey, what changes did you make to your environment be it workspace, gym or household? Were there specific items you purchased that helped you stay on track on the long run?

As always, I would be delighted to read any answers or inspiration on this topic.


Now for last weeks question, where I was asking, how to deal with the expectations of others and the fear of letting them down.

I'm so happy I adressed this question as I was able to reflect on everything and was pointed into the direction. Was it a coincidence that this week I saw a new video of both ModernHealthMonk and ObesetoBeast talking about this topic?

John Glaude from ObesetoBeast mentioned in his video, that his family and friends saw a "beacon of hope" in him, as he was losing weight and that he would stress out about not letting them down too, ordering salad in the Restaurant when he was with them, to show them, that he was eating healthy, even if he would be binging alone at home afterwards. Wow, that was so well described and really struck me but also made me understand, that I'm not alone with my thoughts and that others have been through this and have made it and so he'S some kind of "Beacon of Hope" also for me.

And then there was the nice reply of lynneta in the Nerdfitness forums that I will cite here:

Thank you so much for this! I will see if I can get that book!

This made me realize that all of this comes down to one thing: SELF CONFIDENCE and this is something I have to work on on my own. If I don't trust myself and if I permit myself to let myself down, I will of course be afraid of being judged.

Alexander Heyne of ModernHealthMonk opened his video in saying that

and it really makes the point I think. How should others look up to you or me when we don't even have faith in ourselves and in what we are doing? If we aren't strong enough to stand up for our beliefs and are not proud to talk to someone else about it?

We should look forward to those bullys and want our journey to be challenging and not too much straight forward!

But to walk ahead, we have to train and know where on the path we are standing. Working out, even though it's more cardio I'm doing at the moment, helps me a lot to gain self assurance.

Let's see how this adventure unfolds!

Thank you so much for reading!

Yours,

Elanor

Please excuse my English - I do my best, because I feel at the right place in the English speaking community but I'm no native speaker.

My favourite fitness channels at the moment:
DaveDoesWeightloss https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC9gMoTx2EFYRnzWwYADEhRA
ObesetoBeast https://www.youtube.com/user/ObesetoBeast
Nerdfitness https://www.youtube.com/user/NerdFitness
LiveLeanTV https://www.youtube.com/user/bradgouthrofitness
ModernHealthMonk https://www.youtube.com/user/ModernHealthMonk

My social media:
YouTube; https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCUL0Eq7QLwnGwYlUVW_gBog
Blog: http://elanorthefairsjourney.blogspot.fr/
Instagram; @elanorsjourney
Art channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCb9po5XOs5n-wYPm0oVurDQ

I'm back! Healing my body!

Yes, it's me! I took a break from writing while the preparations in my family for the pastry chef exams where around and I had to try and judge pastry nearly every day :P

But this break really changed everything - I suddenly was so relaxed I didn't even feel hungry anymore!!! Of course I'm sure to have gained the weight back, but I feel so much better and my body shows me with many subtle signs, that letting go of the stress while at the same time having cleared my emotions, was a very good thing.

A lot of my internet fitness buddy Apocalypse's diet suggestions stick around however - I'm having muesli every morning and force myself to have breakfast and just feel so amazing! I also try to stick to it with the meals - a big healing has happened inside of me and I can't thank him enough!!!

Overall I'm living a much healthier lifestyle than last year - snacking is no longer uncontrolled and I even start to get a grip on those portion controls. Weight wise, I doesn't seem to change, but screw the scale for the moment - I learn so much about myself - that's so much more important and I hope to be able to share some of those things in the next entries with you too. :-)

I was away a lot for work too. In Switzerland I was the co-trainer on a horse workshop. You can see me here, at minute 1:32 - I was working with this amazing stallion called Kelian - look at me close to this bundle of muscles and power!

And what now?

I've got a hometrainer bike!!!!

As it's been raining for over a week and there's flooded roads everywhere, I sat on that very old bike inside and yesterday I reached a round number, so I decided I'll challenge myself to do 100 km during the month of June!

It's a VERY old machine - very interesting - everything works mechanically, no digital display. It must be around 40-50 years old! The kilometers count shows already over 3000 km! Wow! This is what it looks like (photo isn't mine).



I sat on it the last 2 months rather casually, not really looking at the kilometers - but as the pastry exam is over I was looking for a new challenge - so here we go ;-)

You'll read me again on Wednesday - enjoy the rest of this Sunday and let's hope that it will sotp raining once in a while!

Yours,
Elanor

Conclusions of challenge #9

It took me some time to sit down and write this post - challenge #9 with the mealplan has really been instructive and I somehow know more about where I want to go now.

But it seems to need some preparation. As I wrote before - I feel like standing at a crossroad - knowing I will go, but not feeling a pressure to be in a hurry, but planning wisely the next move.

Putting myself through random challenges over and over again has made me stronger, but to make this real change, I will need a strategy to stick to for a longer period of time. There must be the one moment I can cure my food addiction and I figured out, there will be a period of rehab time.

So, to conclude this challenge, I went off track for the last week of this challenge because as I was forced to have some slips, it was getting more and more difficult to get back on track and I felt that this wasn't going to do me good.

I only shop for lean protein, potatoes, rice and muesli still but as my father and sisters are preparing for their pastry chef exams, there's temptation everywhere and they need a gusto from time to time. I cannot willpower through this (and do I even want?) without being well prepared.

It seems that I will have to refine several things yet and pay attention to those little things: tking into account that I will no longer be able to stuff my face with food when I'm feeling weak, depressed or stressed - that my body will feel to want to get more food in and I will not be as "strong" as I'm now, that my husband will have to know exactly what I'm doing etc.

Source: Pinterest.com

For travel, I will have to be prepared too: I will have to know exactly what I need, so I can say to my friends what I eat and what I don't whithout offending them. And I will have to be clear with all of this and don't let myself get distracted by the opinions of others and new fancy internet diets.

Do you think it's okay if I wait for all of this for four weeks until the pastry exams have passed? 

Well, I do think it's okay. 

But I will do another challenge anyway - a last one, that isn't 100% focused on my fitness goals, but more on preparing next challenge and building up mindfulness while eating and a clear daily structure that will help me afterwards.

Of course, I'm not looking into the weeks for binging but I will continue buying healthy foods and eat them! I just won't be very restrictive.

So, that's my word for today - last challenge really was great and hey! I finally got that hometrainer - it's a very old one stil relying on mechanics for measuring distance - some friend of mine surprised me with it - his grandpa wanted to throw it away - that's how the rewards come in. I'll post a picture soon!

Yours,

Elanor

Learning to move again - Connecting to childhood

As a teenager I rode around with my bike throughout the countries we visited: in France I explored the hill around our house, in Germany we went on tours with my grandparents, in Italy I rode through the dry sun to cool myself, in Greece I played to be a horse rider and scout and I searched the environment for horses and in India I commited to the flow of traffic - rode for miles and miles and felt independent.

This week I got on my bike I had bought 2 years ago for fitness. I rode it a few times, but without really having fun. I'm 28 years old today and I have changed - physically mostly. I started disliking my bike last year, because I was used to drive city-bikes and this one is a mountain bike.

Riding through green fields on thursday

When I get up, I ride it as in the time when I was 13 years old - where the bike was my symbol of independence. But somehow it's different: my body behaves inexpectedly - I'm afraid of high speed, and I totally feel like a beginner.

This frustrated me. I wanted to do a 20 min ride to work up to an hour of biking through 1-2 weeks. After 3 mins my injured leg started to hurt - I put more power on the other, stretched it to get at least 5 mins. Then I got down, walked, stretched my muscles, got up for a few 100 meters again - thus making it a trip of 15 mins overall. As I was smart, I picked a tour that would be easier on the way home.

The feeling to ride was great - it really is my favorite way of exercising. But it feels frustrating to be at such a low level. I mean, those are not even baby steps - it's like having to learn everything all over again - as when I learned to bike as a little child: managing to drive my bike downhill into a bush so I wouldn't have to rely only on my skills to use the breaks. LOL

My hips and tighs have been hurting for two days because of those 15 minutes!!!!!! I mean, come on! At first I was worried if I had injurey myself - but no, yesterday, all pain was gone. It really only was soreness. Sigh. I still did two more rides, deciding I would go as long as it doesn't hurt and then immediatly go back.

Drawing I made for my NerdFitness character

What can I say? It resulted in a trip around my village and nothing more - less than 1km. I did it again today and made the trip some 500 meters more. But I started training my manoevering skills, driving closely around obstacles and over bumbs and unsteady ground - so it would be fun anyways.

It's hard to accept all of this, but you know why I keep doing it? Because the feeling in my body is so great afterwards!!! And the more I ride, the more I reconnect to the feeling of my childhood which I already believed forgotten! This makes my heart so joyful and I let go and listen to my body.

Yes, maybe I have to relearn how to move in this much heavier body first, before expecting more, but I love my body anyways - and in my heart, the independent warrior girl that traveled to find the horses is still the same! Maybe, she'll find the way to level up and fulfill her dream to ride horses again - in the past, she always found the way there in riding her bike first ...

... a little tear is rolling off my cheek as I write this ...

Thank you for reading!

Choose the best goals! - Changes I need to make for my challenge

that's what I looked all day - image by wikipedia

Hey! It's Wednesday again and though I didn't make any video yet (we had a storm and I was outside all day with my animals), I'm right on time to write this blogpost.

In my Nerdfitness-Forum Challenge log you can find more details about how my days went since Sunday but I want to fill this blog with more than pure data. I want to write down what moved my head in those 3 days.

It's hard for me to admit, but I really have to rescedule my biking goal - I would so much love to go for a ride, but I'm so tired every night and I just don't want to see any outdoor's rain, mud and wind anymore. I'd rather make body weight exercises. But yet a smaller goal came to my mind, but you'll read about it a little more below.

John, from the Obese to Beast YouTube Channel is a big inspriation for me. Not only because he's lost such a big amount of weight but also because his videos are so helpful. Some days ago he posted this very cool video - you might only understand it if you've been through what he's talking about yourself: how weight loss and willpower ride like a rollercoaster up and down and you never really get it. People in the comments argue, that there is no proof scientifically for metabolism damage, but if you've been there, you know exactly what John is talking about.

Here is the video:

So I realised something important about the weight loss equation that wasn't as clear before in my mind: "Calories in versus calories out" doesn't mean the same thing as just cutting out calories!!! It's all about balance!

My body has a certain ratio in which it burns calories everyday - this ratio depends on my body fat percentage and also on my level of activity. Eating less than I burn will FORCE my body into burning his stocked energy - Ok - I think, this is an obvious thing.

As a person interested in Biology I might add: my body's metabolism is constantly trying to find balance and it gets used to a certain amount of food and a way to process it - to loose weight we breaks this balance and we hope, that our body gets used to eating less. We are focused on the result: having a different number on the scale - but do we care to regain balance?

How can we have a healthy relationship with food if we forcefully strain our body and try to imitate having less food available?

At this point exercise comes in - strenght training to be more precise. I never really got this point - as I understood it it sounded like this: everyone talks about calories and that diet is 90 % of the battle - so, eating less equals weight loss - exercise keeps our mind busy, we spend more time doing something else than eating and it makes us feel good and we also build endurance - ok, so I can just eat less/right and loose weight without exercise also?

But I didn't yet pay attention to this tiny detail rarely ever mentioned anywhere: we cannot durably eat less than our BMR!!! Our body will always try to bring us back to it! Even if we do more exercise, we will get hungry for more food!

So, is weight loss a hopeless case?

First of all, I'm still trying - my journey is just on the beginning and everything I write here is just a hypothesis - but I dare to say: no! There's something we can do:

1. Build muscle!
Our body will then spend it's energy into building up the muscles instead of storing it as fat, which will make us even more endurant and strong to take on even bigger challenges. Plus: more muscle means we are spending more calories to mantain them, which means we can eat more, which means it's easier for us to eat less.

2. Eat clean!
There are certain foods that make us feel full easier on one side but there are also those full of minerals, protein, vitamines and healthy fats that really help our metabolism and make us feel great! We don't have to stuff our face with carbs and feel bad all day long because of our sugar levels. We can choose smart foods and not restrict us!!!

The 2 combined can help me to feel full and not hungry but caring about my weight at the same time - I'm curious where this hypothesis will lead me - it's very basic and simple so I can easily track it's evolution.

For 3 days now I started to eat more and more paleo again and I start to feel great again - what a happy moment.

I wanted to come back to my biking challenge: having realized now, that cardio is good but strenght training is having more benefits I'm thinking of changing this part. But I won't go into strenght training right away, there was something else with wich I wanted to start out:

Track my daily level of exercise in my daily life!

Before I make new workout plans, I want to know how much I'm doing already and have a better look at my real life. This is a small step but for the next few weeks I will track the minutes I spend working on the farm, doing grocery shopping, playing with the dogs, cleaning the house, working with m horses etc. I want to know how much of the day I'm active and to be able to optimize this or bring it to a more regular basis.

For example: let's say I find out I'm moving around 3 hours on some days and only 30 mins on others, I could then make the goal of moving for at least 1,5 hours every day so I know, when I'm doing less, I will have to look out for another activity (e.g. work in the garden).

This is my goal-change for this challenge - I will keep you updated on twitter, tumblr and in my NF-Battle log.

Thanks for reading - I will write again on Sunday!

Heads up everyone!
Yours,
Elanor

Starting another Fitness Challenge

Hey everybody!

Monday started a new challenge in the Nerdfitness Forums and as it was just the moment I started this blog, I signed up and created my thread there too. It's completely free and just implies wrinting up 3 habit goals you want to achieve during the challenge, one for nutrition, one for fitness and one for other life issues. Go, and check out my thread if you want!

It's my 6th challenge and last year, those challenges really had an huge impact on me and not only that: my husband also joined in and we did some household challenges together. I didn't have the time to prepare one with him this time, but the habits we built stick around for several months now and we have a weekly planner - not only for meals but also for everyone's chores.

Are you interested in knowing my current challenge goals?

flickr.com

1.: Nutrition
I'm working towards restricting to snack - already I do not permit myself a snack between breakfast and lunch - but I went back to having a small breakfast because I'm working in the harsh cold outside in the morning and if I don't eat anything, I'm completely starving at noon and my mood is really bad. For the afternoon I usually have 1-2 snacks but I could do less.

The point here is not the quantity of snacks - it's to take over control of my eating habits - to not always have to take a piece of something, just because it looks good - I can eat to my fill, but I will not allow myself to slip out of control!!!

This is why I additionally track my food and convert the calories!

Wikipedia

2.: Fitness
I really got inspired by my father to do some biking - I always liked it and I want just to make a small ride - but because there isn't any nice parcours around my house I always neglect it - so this challenge I want to work towards taking the bike once a week to ride to my workplace (about 3 km).

For this week, I made the goal to a) check and clean the bike and b) make a small ride of about 1,5 km to see how it feels. I still didn't do it, so make sure to check in with me on Sunday!

3.: Other
I decided I wanted to solidify my dental care and be very strict to brush my teeth everyday - i often neglect this. It might seem simple, but it really is so important!!!

So, those are my goals and I'm pretty happy till now - I had some slips, but other things went better than I thought.

Do you want to try a challenge? Did you ever do one?

What do you think about my goals?

Check on me on tumblr, twitter and youtube and read me again on Sunday!

Yours,
Elanor