😔Discovering my real relationship with food and binge eating - Weight Loss Vlog - EJ #26

This week I really learned a lot about myself and my relationship with food - as well as when my tendency to binge eat could strike. I'm late again for my weight loss vlog this week but I managed to do it and my cat, sheep and also the nightingale said hello!

Follow my weight loss food tracking progress on MyFitnesspal: http://www.myfitnesspal.de/profile/ElanorsJourney

I'm a little more careful when following my emotions when I'm choosing foods now as I observed that would eat more than I should whenever I had the feeling, that I had not eaten enough for the rest of the day.

Go out and enjoy the beautiful summertime in nature! Thank you for watching!

Yours, Elanor

Please excuse my English - I do my best, because I feel at the right place in the English speaking community but I'm no native speaker.

My favourite fitness channels at the moment:
DaveDoesWeightloss https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC9gMoTx2EFYRnzWwYADEhRA
ObesetoBeast https://www.youtube.com/user/ObesetoBeast
Nerdfitness https://www.youtube.com/user/NerdFitness
LiveLeanTV https://www.youtube.com/user/bradgouthrofitness
ModernHealthMonk https://www.youtube.com/user/ModernHealthMonk
GaugeGirlTraining: https://www.youtube.com/user/gaugegirl82
Fitness Marshall: https://www.youtube.com/user/TheFitnessMarshall

My social media:
YouTube; https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCUL0Eq7QLwnGwYlUVW_gBog
Blog: http://elanorthefairsjourney.blogspot.fr/
Instagram; @elanorsjourney
Art channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCb9po5XOs5n-wYPm0oVurDQ

My Weight Does Not Define Who I am

After having to go to Germany over the past week end I'm back and wanted to give you a little update. I dreaded being told off for not having lost anymore weight but I somehow really felt, that my weight is just one part of me and does not define who I am and if others like me.

They will of course talk with me about fitness and show maybe their concern about me but this can also be because they want to see me happy and healthy. In no way does this affect my relationship to them though and I won't be a better person, just because I'm a different weight. I'm glad for really being able to feel this.

Yours,
Elanor

The Sad Eating Twen

Because of the 10th anniversary of the day my shop opened (I no longer have the shop, but I posted some images here!) I looked through some old images and for the first time in a long period I really "binge-watched" through all of them from 2006 to 2011 and I started to see myself in a completely new light.

There were some small films also and what struck me deeply was: ALL of the time I was eating or sitting - this really gave me the creeps. At first I felt deep disgust and I understand why I didn't like to look at pictures or in the mirror in my late tens and early twens. There was nothing to be proud of - I was sitting there ... eating ... even in the best moments. Today I see that you can tell that I really didn't care about myself at all.

And then I was overwhelmed by the sadness - the sadness I always felt but never was able to recognize. I watched my siblings and friends play sports games: Soccer, Dodgeball but also just normal children's games because we were a big family (I'm the oldest of five) and always had friends around, and where was I? Sitting, declining the invitation to join the game, making photographs and telling myself that I don't fit in there.

And it is/was true: I was never able to play soccer as other kids - not only because I was heavy but also because I'm really bad at ballsports ;-) But it seemed that the feeling of not being able to have fun like the others started to expand and wasn't getting better over time obviously. I couldn't walk on our frozen lake in the winter or at least I didn't dare to - I stood outside and filmed ... I couldn't climb the trees like the others in an adventure park, so I stood outside and filmed ... immersed in my footage but excluded from adventure ... but still not wanting to change or even acknowledging that there was something that could be changed.

Learning photography by sitting and watching

You know, I don't think my only problem is/was my body - there's also a feeling, that I didn't WANT to fit in - I felt protected in my role as an outsider because I despised all the sparring we had as youths; jokes, pranks and games, games, games.

Yes, as I realized later, I'm a nerd - I lived my more contemplative side and there must be some positive things about myself too, because I had a lot of caring and positive people around me that stuck to me in every situation.

But back to the sadness - the first change started, when I realized, that I had brought it to the point, where my biggest dream: having my own horse and riding it, was starting to vanish. I had and have this stupid situation again: everyone around me is so healthy and fit, they can ride the horses but me, that really wishes to, can't. It's the one thing I cared about and when I first came to this realization, I cried a whole night long and many more followed.

My first horse Denicheur and the realization that I've become too heavy ...

But it wasn't supposed to be my way - my path was to first see the horse and accept it wasn't all about riding on it - and with my first horse, I started the first changes and it's amazing where I came too after 8 years now - I'm still heavy and maybe, riding won't be my foremost occupation, but I feel so much better!

Then I also discovered NerdFitness and overall with my decision of getting healthy, my life changed dramatically - I'm no longer refusing to participate (ok, ball games might still be my least loved) but  I started to get over my shyness and fear - my horses are a great help.

Today, after looking at those memories I'm telling myself no longer wanting to be arrogant so much and to find out what I want to do instead of sadly watching others having all the fun.

Thank you for reading - I really appreciate - it's not easy to write so openly, but I know I feel so much better afterwards.

Yours, Elanor

Summer 2016 - small steps with a stronger horse ... I still may be too heavy, but my perspective changed - better make small steps, then no steps at all!

Summer Update of my weight loss journey and 3 lifehacks - Elanor's Journ...

Summer Update of my weight loss journey and 3 exclusive tips to make weight loss more enjoyable - Elanor's Journey #12

After some months, I'm updating my weight loss progress after many ups and downs and yoyoing I finally start to find my balance and motivation again.

In this video I include an overview of my eating habits at the moment for a balanced breakfast, lunch, dinner and snacks, as well as for my exercise goals. And I will tell you some simple life hacks to make your weight loss meals more enjoyable and delicious while filling you up and being rich in protein and low in carbs.

Check out my article about my top 7 breakfast options for weight loss on my blog: http://elanorthefairsjourney.blogspot...

Go and see me drawing in my new channel:
https://youtu.be/SupqqCjnQRs

Buy self-designed merch:
http://www.jaanasartwork.spreadshirt.fr

Twitter: @ElanortheFair
Instagram: elanorsjourney

Do I need to jump to the next level?

So, this is me writing a thoughtful post today. First of all: I didn't lose any weight during last week, tough my body feels about 10 kgs lighter! I wasn't my best week concerning food - I felt terrible about it - sometimes I had so much work I forgot to eat, finding myself really starving, around other people stuffing themselves with chocolates and some special food, so I'm proud to say that I managed to stay "clean of candy" during the week, but sometimes I had to eat something that definetely wasn't on my plan because I had no other options and I already had waited for a better occasion for some hours.

I'm really glad about all the help I get in the Nerd-Fitness-Community and for every instruction, advice, experience or just good feelings shared. I don't know where I would be without you.

It's also great to be able to experience with the actual meal plan, how food addiction works and how my body is able to heal itself as long as I stick to it. But I'm also really surprised of how much a mental and psychological "battle" this is.

I won't go through all the detailed thoughts I went through during last week, but something seems to be sticking aroung. I have the feeling, that my struggle with food and health starts to reveal more and more other issues in my life - how my lifestyle affects me and who I am as a body and what I can do and what I can't.

Today I'm at a point where it feels that I need to make some overall level UP - within a year I managed to stop snacking and many more things I never thought possible. I hacked myself to a point, where I optimized my daily routine so I can get everything done. But now it seems, that if I really want to do this, I will have to commit to ... hm, how to say ... myself basically and to say "yes" to who I am and to my body and leave some things surrounding me at the same time.

As I have to leave the house now, it seems that it's not for today to write more in detail about it, but I wanted to let you know about all of this. It's an exciting adventure - thank you for being there with me!

Yours,
Elanor

Learning to move again - Connecting to childhood

As a teenager I rode around with my bike throughout the countries we visited: in France I explored the hill around our house, in Germany we went on tours with my grandparents, in Italy I rode through the dry sun to cool myself, in Greece I played to be a horse rider and scout and I searched the environment for horses and in India I commited to the flow of traffic - rode for miles and miles and felt independent.

This week I got on my bike I had bought 2 years ago for fitness. I rode it a few times, but without really having fun. I'm 28 years old today and I have changed - physically mostly. I started disliking my bike last year, because I was used to drive city-bikes and this one is a mountain bike.

Riding through green fields on thursday

When I get up, I ride it as in the time when I was 13 years old - where the bike was my symbol of independence. But somehow it's different: my body behaves inexpectedly - I'm afraid of high speed, and I totally feel like a beginner.

This frustrated me. I wanted to do a 20 min ride to work up to an hour of biking through 1-2 weeks. After 3 mins my injured leg started to hurt - I put more power on the other, stretched it to get at least 5 mins. Then I got down, walked, stretched my muscles, got up for a few 100 meters again - thus making it a trip of 15 mins overall. As I was smart, I picked a tour that would be easier on the way home.

The feeling to ride was great - it really is my favorite way of exercising. But it feels frustrating to be at such a low level. I mean, those are not even baby steps - it's like having to learn everything all over again - as when I learned to bike as a little child: managing to drive my bike downhill into a bush so I wouldn't have to rely only on my skills to use the breaks. LOL

My hips and tighs have been hurting for two days because of those 15 minutes!!!!!! I mean, come on! At first I was worried if I had injurey myself - but no, yesterday, all pain was gone. It really only was soreness. Sigh. I still did two more rides, deciding I would go as long as it doesn't hurt and then immediatly go back.

Drawing I made for my NerdFitness character

What can I say? It resulted in a trip around my village and nothing more - less than 1km. I did it again today and made the trip some 500 meters more. But I started training my manoevering skills, driving closely around obstacles and over bumbs and unsteady ground - so it would be fun anyways.

It's hard to accept all of this, but you know why I keep doing it? Because the feeling in my body is so great afterwards!!! And the more I ride, the more I reconnect to the feeling of my childhood which I already believed forgotten! This makes my heart so joyful and I let go and listen to my body.

Yes, maybe I have to relearn how to move in this much heavier body first, before expecting more, but I love my body anyways - and in my heart, the independent warrior girl that traveled to find the horses is still the same! Maybe, she'll find the way to level up and fulfill her dream to ride horses again - in the past, she always found the way there in riding her bike first ...

... a little tear is rolling off my cheek as I write this ...

Thank you for reading!

What is Elanor's Journey? - Lord of the Rings second Generation - Elanor...

Best Breakfast for Weight loss? Comparing 7 options I tried

In this article I want to share with you my experiences through the last 3 years with different styles of breakfast. I'm no nutritionist or trainer and those are just my personal experiences and I'm still experimenting new things every challenge to come.

Here's what I've
tried so far:

7. Eat whatever I want

Pros: I don't have the feeling to have to stress about too much - I buy what makes me feel good and I either eat or I don't.
Cons: I THINK that I'm not stressing about food - but in reality I either stuff myself with everything that's in the fridge or I don't have breakfast at all. So no eating habits are created and hunger comes when I least expect it and I'm never prepared enough.

Conclusion: Sometimes it's good to be open and to listen to your body and be flexible. But for my daily routine should be clear whether or not I want to have breakfast and how much of my daily calories this makes up. Screwing first thing in the morning makes the whole day stressful!

6. German breakfast: Bread with cheese, sausage, honey, jam ...

Pros: For a full workday you can fill yourself to be able to stand without break until 14 o'clock. It gives full power. The usual dark German bread (depending on which you take) is very good for the digestion and if you're ready to switch even for pumpernickels it's close to muesli. Top it with fresh cheese, veggies and ham or turkey: a healthy option.
Cons: First there's the macros: it's poor in vegetables and there's also only little protein but loads of fat and carbs - and if you top it with honey or jam there's the fast sugars too. Then it ends up for me to eat more than I wanted and on days where I go out with only one slice of bread, I'm starving around noon.

Conclusion: The "pumpernickel"-version is not for everyone. I like it but I can overeat on that too. Nowadays, when I'm at my friends house in Germany I start missing my protein and veggies in the mornings. Bread is my cryptonite and I tend to extremely overeat!!! And then I feel tired and bloated 2 hours later ... so, at home I no longer have it. My husband does though.

5. Porrige / Oatmeal

Pros: Protein and energy for your workouts! A decent breakfast with a lot of variations. Can be a replacement for muesli on cold days.
Cons: Loads of carbs and I haven't found a way to incorporate any vegetables - so mostly fruit - I lacked the protein and vegetables!

Conclusion: To sweet for my taste and the energy didn't last long. Plus the cooking where I usually managed to burn it because I don't have a microwave ...

4. Fasting until noon

Pros: Weight loss is about calories - so if you manage to stay the longest possible without eating, you can eat more later. Plus, some studies point to the theory, that longer periods of not eating can help to balance insulin levels better and you can get up and start working without worring about food until noon.
Cons: Intermittend fasting works for some, others - especially woman - seem to have more difficulty with it. Building up hunger throughout the morning can lead to binging on food the rest of the day too!

Conclusion: I did this for a long time and feel good about it - but since I work every morning I need my coffee and something to balance my guts.

3. Paleo breakfast: Bacon and Eggs plus vegetables - high protein and high fat

Pros: A real meal to start the day. You'll be satiated for a long time and really feel powerful.
Cons: Cooking in the morning isn't really my thing and it's very calorie dense - so you have to reduce thoughout the day.

Conclusion: Don't believe weight loss involves really tasty food? Try this one!!! I made bacon and eggs for a long tima in the morning and lost 15 kgs!!!

2. Only coffee with milk / Bulletproof coffee

Pros: Very simple and clear breakfast. If you take whole fat milk (or butter/coconut oil in case of the bulletproof coffee) you'll have the feeling to have started oyur metabolism. Make a big pot.
Cons: You'll become dependend of coffee and it's not really to be considered to be a meal. So, you have the same hungry feeling as with the fasting.

Conclusion: my favorite although it's not really balanced. I don't do bulletproof coffee because I hate the taste, but I take a big bowl with half coffee half whole fat, preferedly organic, milk.

1. Home made Muesli

Ok, so Muesli comes in 2 forms: the pre-packaged one that you can buy in the stores and the homemade one. I usually do it myself because I hate all the artificial sugars, honey or raisins in the packages - not because of the calories but because of the taste. So what I'll do is to buy oats and fresh fruits - a little more work, but the taste is not to be compared.
Pros: Great to be varied. You have total control over the ingredients: macros and calories. Yoghurt or quark provides a lot of protein.
Cons: A little too sugary for me with a bit too many carbs. Takes nearly as long to prepare as bacon with eggs.

Conclusion: Home made muesli is what I'm doing at the moment - as I said, it's not my favorite taste but it just feels good and you have the most control!


Ok, so Muesli has made the top of my list here too - sounds like clichée but it's my conclusion for the moment and you see, that I tried some thing already ;-)

This is my post for today - hope you enjoyed it and if you want, feel free to share and subscribe! Posts are coming twice a week and there usually is a Vlog on weekends too!

Yours,
Elanor

You can be FAT and be FIT

It's wednesday and I wanted to talk about how my challenge ended but instead I want to talk about another subject. You can read my challenge's conclusion on the NF-boards.

Over the weekend I was at a horse workshop I really enjoyed - those who follow this blog regularly know my passion are horses but to be overweight and wanting to ride always causes some morality struggle: how much can you make your horse carry around. So, I started to feel guilty and not as good in shape as the others so I was no longer allowing myself to ride.

But I noticed, that through my intense diet and exercise practises, even though I'm not perfect at anything, I feel I've become really a fit person. I see so many people having the ideal body proportions but I reached a point this weekend, where I nearly had one of the best capacities when it came to strenght and endurance - compared to the other woman around my age.

Have you seen the beautiful videos of MODE on YouTube that went viral some time ago of that wonderful round lady performing amazing yoga postures? Or the "big guy" excelling at parcour? I will leave you the videos here to encourage everyone to no longer accept the opinion that you have to be at a certain bodyweight to perform something. 

As a kid I loved Jake from "The Blues Brothers" dancing like a God. Didn't you?

So, I think on one hand this post is an encouragement, that you can be heavy and still follow your dreams - on the other hand it shows also, that exercise alone won't make the fat disappear. I just signed up for a new blog called "Dances with fat" of a beautiful dancer who is really passionate and writes inspiring and pleasant articles about no longer shaming yourself for being more round than others.

For my horse I will start a new diet challenge on Sunday (Mealplan is already prepared) and I will stick to it to make the pounds disappear if possible - but I will also stay true to my passion. Being FAT only concerns your measurements and eventually the number a scalel says - but it says nothing about how strong, endurant or agile you are!

Keep that in mind - I hope I was able to motivate you again on your journey!

Yours,

Elanor

Lonely Day - What is depression? - SoaD Guitar cover - Elanor's Journey #8

Forgot to share the 2nd song!!!!!!!!!

What changed my life! Nerdfitness.com - a Tribute - Elanors Journey #6

Aching to make music!

I just watched those guys over and over again - they are so amazing!!! Please enjoy!

Making videos for this blog has really inspired me to film myself singing - of course, it won't be as catchy and professional as those guys but I ache to do so already since last year!!! I love singing and playing the guitar and I've developed some skill overtime. It would be just for fun and to get out some of my emotions.

Here, this clip was made on chistmas evening 2013 - I had a cold, there was a storm outside and the only thing I did was humming ;-)

Is there some news from me from the fitness battlefront?

Well - I screwed all my goal because nothing goes according to plan this week but there's definetely something worth sharing with you guys: MY COMPUTER IS RUNNING AGAIN!!!!

So, now only the installing of software is to be done and I will be operational again. Let's hope for the next clip to be edited correctly again.

Back to fitness :P

I did some research concerning the hashimoto-thyreoiditis disease I might be concerned with. I wanted to know more as it is common in my family and I'm really the biggest of everyone. I found a course in German language that explains really good - I'm watching the videos and hope to be finished with it by Sunday so I can tell you more.

Somehow I'm really confident and trusting at the moment although I gained weight back because it feels that I'm discovering things that are suitable for my journey in the future and there will be better weeks.

I'll leave you with this short glimpse of my feelings and you'll read me again on Sunday!

Yours
Elanor

The progress I didn't notice for several years

There's been much I wanted to write about today but there's something I want to reflect on more specifically - this is why I'm writing this blog: to get my thoughts out of my head - like the pensieve in the Harry Potter series.

Pensieve

Yesterday I met my father and my full sister again. I hadn't met her in about 6 months or so. I was a little anxious about the meeting, but it went good and wont be the main focus of today's article.

I really felt for so many years I was the least fit person in my family. Yes, I had my horses but I thought "fit" meant to be thin - wich isn't true it seems. Some time ago I wrote an entry here where I said I thought that moving everyday for approximately 2,5 hours wasn't very much to me.

But meeting my other family made me realize how I had changed. Aside from the people doing physical work, most designers or other office employees rarely spend even half the time each day with physical activity! My father gets up to take a walk from time to time and I considered him to be fit. In my environment I know only one person overall that does any kind of regular training.

It seems I've confused being fit to being thin. My weight may be one issue but over the years I've become one of the fittest persons in my family: endurant, strong and flexible. I can work 3-4 hours with no problem - I can lift nearly as good as my husband - I can walk 10 km over hills - I can do any physical work - I might not be as efficient with tools however ;-)

This stuns me because it's not always been this way - it's been some kind of struggle. It started already about 5-6 years ago, when I quit my little boutique in the neighboring town to live more in nature and get to move more instead sitting in the shop all day.

Since then I evolved slowly but never dared to dream that one day I would feel more comfortable in moving than my father would, doing all farm work on my own AND carrying around my bodyweight. Yeah, I already surprised myself of thinking about going for a hike in the alps with my grandfather - something I always dreaded because I would be the one panting and sweating the most.

I think this would be a kind of holiday I'd like to do with my husband in the next months or so.

THIS FEELING IS AMAZING!!!!

I want to stop today and honor this moment - there's still such a long road to go, but I realized, it's not been the fact of myself doing training - it's been the decision I made in 2010-2011 that was the change - everything else followed naturally - at it's own pace.

So, maybe I'll be able to write to you soon about my trips to the alps - I feel really touched and I want to say thank you to myself, the universe and everything!

- Thanks for reading
Elanor

Before weight loss: I always felt guitly about eating - Elanor's Jouney #2

Elanor's Journey - 2016 New Year's Resolution: starting a Vlog

Happy 2016!

Hi together! - yap, this is me writing another Blog. Thinking about New Year’s Resolutions, I realised I had to write some kind of fitness battle log anyway and on top of that I needed to make it public, so I would find folks that can keep me accountable. So, yes, this Blog is about me and for myself - I will be very selfish here ;-)

What might be useful for you to know is that I’m of German nationality but not living in Germany - so, I’m no native English speaker. This is my journey and if you yourself sometimes do not feel very motivated with your goals, I can totally feel with you - let’s get motivated together! I appreciate your likes, subscriptions and shares because they are a huge motivation!

I’m a freelance artist, I’m married and I live in France. I have 3 horses and 3 dogs … I love singing and blog-writing … and food of course … and I start liking to exercise.

I’m member of the NerdFitness Academy and I absolutely love the channel Obesetobeast on Youtube!
Happy 2016 everyone and all the best for you! Thank you for reading -

Yours,

Elanor