Dealing with Depression

I hate those kind of titles on the internet - everyone seems to be affected by depression nowadays - and now I find myself writing the exact thing because I really have to explain why there hasn't been any update on Wednesday.

I never thought about depression until it struck me last year around the day it was one year my mother had died and that I had some issues in my work. I knew some people that had had depression themselves but I also had met people that liked that depression made them feel special or that were just not suitable for society so they had to be "kept alive" with drugs and even others, that wanted to make others feel guilty.

When is the point that you diagnose a depression? It seems, that other than at the moment you receive it by a doctor, mostly people have to make this diagnose themselves because they no longer understand what's going on - or a friend/family member telling you.

It reminds me of starting to loose weight: because you can't really talk about it, it's all about that one moment when you decide for yourself to start changing - even if you don't know how to start.

Some time ago I wrote an article on this blog about myself starting to face my stuff more than stuff my face and I started to speak my mind and let go of being perfect to get everything out - especially if it's just small, unimportant things, I tend to swallow them but sometimes later the inner chocolate monster arises and wants me to compensate this social stress. And if I can't talk about it with the person implied I will talk about it with a friend or write a blogpost about it.


To be fair, I announced this to my family members so they don't get shocked and for myself this is really good and I feel much lighter.

2 days later my sister walked up to me and said she wanted to do that too. She was struggling a long time already to find words and she spent some of her teen years more recluded than her personality usually was. In the last year we barely were able to speak with her because she felt blocked.

But what I had said seemed to touch her and within 3 days she let go and talked about all her fears and pressure she's making herself and her depressed feelings. It was a big opening and sometimes not easy to digest if you see someone so close to you talking about a lot of depressing things.

So, all my energy was focused around that - she had the real depression, one that you're unable to express, just a mindset that pulls you into a more and more dark environment. But it helped so much, that I had read about people having depression and that so many are open to talk about it - so please keep spamming the internet about depression!!!! I now fully understand!

I'm also glad that I can understand my sister today after my breakdown last year, because how to imagine the inability to speak? I mean, it's just opening your mouth to someone you trust! So, you have to have experienced it to understand it!



So, today I recorded my next song and I think I will upload the video tomorrow, I did my workout and yesterday we went shopping for a healthy weekend diet wise. I also finally was able to start working on the next book project with my boss which is quite exciting and FINALLY the weather starts to shift and the sun is showing up!

Let the sun shine in!!!

and to celebrate all of this, here comes my favorite song from the movie "Hair" (somewhat depression also, but very very powerful!!!!):