I feel shattered although the results are not so bad - within 6 weeks I've gained so much endurance and I have made only little changes to my diet to not starve myself - yes, I've gained 1,5 kgs (no wonder) - I've lost 2 centimeters around my hip and gained some in my tighs - is this good? Seems that's where the new muscle power is coming from.
Phew - I really need to write this down and make my video because I'm really anxious about all of this, seeing my weight go up and my mind is shrieking: "Oh my god, this is so terrible, I don't want this, I want my fat to go away, leave me alone!!!"
I mean, I would be the last person on this planet to complain if I had 20-30kgs to loose, but being so terribly obese while I love sports and being outside so much really really hurts me! I have tears running down my face now.
It seems I don't take this weight loss thing serious enough!
But I just want to find a way without starving myself, with having the same energy as I have at the moment.
Why is this weigh-in/measuring day freaking me out so much? Can anyone relate?
Please send me any support you have to keep me going, trusting, and not jumping off the wagon. I had 6 weeks and it feels like I've screwed them, although I was so confident - how can the stupid numbers not reflect that?
I feel so alone ... next week I will go to Germany and I will be anxious all the time again if anyone remarks me not having lost anything. I'm so tired of it. It's not the only reason this is depressing but it's just that I can't change anything anymore ...
Screw it!
What am I going to do next - what are my conclusions about everything?
*taking a deep breath*
1. I WILL STAY ON TRACK!
I will keep exercising - everyday.
I will continue mealplanning.
2. I WILL START TO SCEDULE
I will scedule workouts, mealplans AND ALSO the weigh-in/measuring - this will help me to be more serious about everything I think and to plan out more smartly.
3. I WILL WORK PRIORITIZING
It seems that I sometimes don't take nutrition for serious and plan everything how I REALLY WANT IT. This is true to other things in my life too.
Was there anything else this week?
My dog, that I had for over 14 years, died, I had visit from relatives I haven't seen in a very long time, I had some arguements with my husband, we still had car problems and no money in the bank this week again. At least the thing with the money has been cleared. The cars are running again but there's still some things to get checked.
Considering all of this I really could be happy that my progress hasn't stalled even more, normally I would have fallen off the wagon far sooner.
AND I RODE MY BIKE TO WORK LAST WEEK! HUGE LEVEL UP!!!!
So, overall I'm still happy - it's just the measuring day that got me freaked out - but thanks to this blog I have somewhere I can reflect on this and not push it down without looking at it.
Thank you for all the support I already have received - you're so great!!!!!
You keep me accountable - 7th video already in 2017!!!!
<3
Next week I will be in Germany for work and I don't know if I'll be able to write or film, but I will post something anyways - maybe make some nice footage there.
Yours,
Elanor
you're doing great, you're up and moving and that is a huge step in itself :)
ReplyDeleteYou don't have to starve yourself if you want to add nutrition changes to your journey, I promise. But, you might have to change some of the things you eat :)
if you do want to do that, start with small changes. I don't know what you eat so I can't comment on specifics but protein and veggies (especially protein) will fill you up and keep you full longer (chicken, pork, beef, eggs etc.) and lowering intake of things like sugar, sweets etc. I also find that things like rice and potatoes don't fill me up and I will eat way too much of them so switching to things like sweet potatoes helps because a small portion with lots of protein and veggies fills me right up.
Good whole foods with lots of protein, good fats and veggies and you might find you have to force yourself to eat enough because you are never hungry :)
this is a marathon, not a sprint, you can do this!
Thank you so much for your comment! I was away in Germany last week so could only reply now.
ReplyDeleteI really appreciate your kind words and I'm working on those diet changes to get a nutrition plan I can stick to for my whole life!
Thank you so much for reading! Yours, Elanor