It's 6 o'clock in the morning and I can't sleep again after my husband left for work at 4. As I want to get enough rest for the day, I decided doing this blogpost now so I don't get stressed about it later - at least that's what's been happening throughout the week, leading to not having written a thing on wednesday and not yet having recorded the new video.
But I'm eagerly preparing the challenge which is starting today. But I wanted to update how the last challenge ended. Here's the copy-paste that I wrote in my Nerd Fitness challenge-log:
Ok, this challenge did not work the way I intended but led me to rethink several things and I finally think that I found out more about what suits me. So, just to recap what I’ve done this 2 weeks:
I informed myself about thyreoid issues (maybe I’ll write more about this on my blog).
I reinstalled my computer and finally got some work done
I reorganized my daily scedule to be able to flow again
I prioritized my mental health also, writing about how I feel on my blog but I also made it a priority to speak up immediatly when I feel stressed about someone and resolve the issue - as small as it might be
I focused on what really helped me: paleo diet and not fussing so much about counting calories. Result: weight gain stopped! I’m so relieved. I’m feeling more energetic again and my immune system starts to be in good shape.
I informed myself about how strenght training works and how the exercises can be properly done taking in consideration my massive weight because I have the tendency to overdo them and making to much.
I spent around 2-4 hours outside working almost everyday in every weather.
I got enough sleep whenever I needed.
I spent 5 days in listening to spiritual retreat talks (about 3 hours) while doing my daily chores
I could add to this list many things but those are real achievements and I think that I deserve my reward and to consider this challenge a real level up! I will buy myself a new agenda as I said.
And another reward I already started celebrating: you know, I want to find a way in doing more strenght training again - softer, but more often. I realized that I needed some space for this where I felt comfortable doing the movements - a batcave somewhere I like to be. So, today I started decluttering a part of my bedroom that was used for laundry and I will install myself there - level by level - with my dumbbells, my yoga mat etc. yay!
So, I hope you read me again soon with the details for my new challenge!
Okay, it's Monday instead of Sunday and the new video isn't edited yet too (I hope you'll like it!) - I returned late yesterday because I spent some nice time watching the movie "we bought a zoo". But it's not the only reason I didn't write.
How can I avoid stress with other people? How can I learn to let go if it seems that someone just doesn't get what I want to say and I carry my emotions about that around for several days? What if I truly feel that I'm not recognized for what I am and that someone just wants to "be the good guy" and perfect in every way but isn't ready to just do what is to be done?
I really appreaciate people helping me in my daily chores but I don't like to be the "poor amd weak" person in need. If I feel that someone treats me this way I start getting irritated - I'd rather do everything on my own and be proud of what I've done afterwards then spending time with someone that belittles me.
But what gets me to LOATHE someone is, if he/she refuses to listen or to open his/her ears that reality maybe isn't the way they think and to be open to communicate. Ok then, stay in your cloud that turn just around yourself but don't freak out when I don't want to be in your company until you're back to normal.
OMG, that is some kind of rant but I'm trying today to get this thoughts out of my head in this blogpost so I will no longer have to carry them around -
Such social struggles really stress me out and I watch myself reaching over to the pizza and bread and just pushing them in my mouth to distract me. It's the feeling of being helpless because I love the person but there is no way to reach him/her and it ends in an argument in wich I usually win but where the other has to yield.
But winning is not what I want - I just want a tiny little bit of understanding.
I want to be with people that are strong, that don't belittle me but that take up challenges together with me. People that love life and are not overly perfect but instead love imperfections.
So, now, this rant is out and maybe some of you can relate. Today I realize that these moments are, what lead me to emotional eating and I learn to cope with it. I'm more and more relaxed and try to build my eating habits in a way that such a mini-binge won't destroy all my hard work.
Thank you for reading - can anyone out there realte to me?
I just watched those guys over and over again - they are so amazing!!! Please enjoy!
Making videos for this blog has really inspired me to film myself singing - of course, it won't be as catchy and professional as those guys but I ache to do so already since last year!!! I love singing and playing the guitar and I've developed some skill overtime. It would be just for fun and to get out some of my emotions.
Here, this clip was made on chistmas evening 2013 - I had a cold, there was a storm outside and the only thing I did was humming ;-)
Is there some news from me from the fitness battlefront?
Well - I screwed all my goal because nothing goes according to plan this week but there's definetely something worth sharing with you guys: MY COMPUTER IS RUNNING AGAIN!!!!
So, now only the installing of software is to be done and I will be operational again. Let's hope for the next clip to be edited correctly again.
Back to fitness :P
I did some research concerning the hashimoto-thyreoiditis disease I might be concerned with. I wanted to know more as it is common in my family and I'm really the biggest of everyone. I found a course in German language that explains really good - I'm watching the videos and hope to be finished with it by Sunday so I can tell you more.
Somehow I'm really confident and trusting at the moment although I gained weight back because it feels that I'm discovering things that are suitable for my journey in the future and there will be better weeks.
I'll leave you with this short glimpse of my feelings and you'll read me again on Sunday!
There's been much I wanted to write about today but there's something I want to reflect on more specifically - this is why I'm writing this blog: to get my thoughts out of my head - like the pensieve in the Harry Potter series.
Pensieve
Yesterday I met my father and my full sister again. I hadn't met her in about 6 months or so. I was a little anxious about the meeting, but it went good and wont be the main focus of today's article.
I really felt for so many years I was the least fit person in my family. Yes, I had my horses but I thought "fit" meant to be thin - wich isn't true it seems. Some time ago I wrote an entry here where I said I thought that moving everyday for approximately 2,5 hours wasn't very much to me.
But meeting my other family made me realize how I had changed. Aside from the people doing physical work, most designers or other office employees rarely spend even half the time each day with physical activity! My father gets up to take a walk from time to time and I considered him to be fit. In my environment I know only one person overall that does any kind of regular training.
It seems I've confused being fit to being thin. My weight may be one issue but over the years I've become one of the fittest persons in my family: endurant, strong and flexible. I can work 3-4 hours with no problem - I can lift nearly as good as my husband - I can walk 10 km over hills - I can do any physical work - I might not be as efficient with tools however ;-)
This stuns me because it's not always been this way - it's been some kind of struggle. It started already about 5-6 years ago, when I quit my little boutique in the neighboring town to live more in nature and get to move more instead sitting in the shop all day.
Since then I evolved slowly but never dared to dream that one day I would feel more comfortable in moving than my father would, doing all farm work on my own AND carrying around my bodyweight. Yeah, I already surprised myself of thinking about going for a hike in the alps with my grandfather - something I always dreaded because I would be the one panting and sweating the most.
I think this would be a kind of holiday I'd like to do with my husband in the next months or so.
THIS FEELING IS AMAZING!!!!
I want to stop today and honor this moment - there's still such a long road to go, but I realized, it's not been the fact of myself doing training - it's been the decision I made in 2010-2011 that was the change - everything else followed naturally - at it's own pace.
So, maybe I'll be able to write to you soon about my trips to the alps - I feel really touched and I want to say thank you to myself, the universe and everything!
I'm one day late again and on Sunday I just left you my Vlog but it summarized very well everything I wanted to say. I'm still doing one more rest week and because I don't know what kind of article I should write today (not that I'm lacking ideas but I decided not to stress to much today), I just wanted to update what went good and bad the last days. Goodies
I'm getting more and more peaceful inside and I start to accept more and more who I am and be ok with it. I'm not where I set my goals and it's good to pursue them, but I've achieved so much that if I don't give credit to that, I will end up only pressuring myself wich leads me to eating because of stress.
Baddies
My diet is really going crazy in the meantime. Many things still stick and my eating habits are much more regular than they were before but I'm eating too much, too often and the wrong things - *sigh.
I hope you see me on the NF-boards on Sunday - yours,
Elanor
So, because of my Computer problems I totally overlooked that the next NF-Challenge started on Monday. I will maybe join everyone on Sunday but I haven't got any new goals preapred yet and I'm still struggling to get my PC running again.
I will have to send in my Hard Drive or get a new one - I desperately wait for the answer of the manufacturer for the warranty.
It's good to see how my goals stick and which of them are easier and which aren't. The 1-snack-a-day goal works pretty fine and relieves me of much stress.
I will leave it here - I'm on my sister's computer and the next day's I'll focus more on cleaning the house and getting everything organized.
yay!
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