How Fat Loss works

6 Foods You Should Be Eating Every Day

Sometimes it's as simple as this ...

The Sad Eating Twen

Because of the 10th anniversary of the day my shop opened (I no longer have the shop, but I posted some images here!) I looked through some old images and for the first time in a long period I really "binge-watched" through all of them from 2006 to 2011 and I started to see myself in a completely new light.

There were some small films also and what struck me deeply was: ALL of the time I was eating or sitting - this really gave me the creeps. At first I felt deep disgust and I understand why I didn't like to look at pictures or in the mirror in my late tens and early twens. There was nothing to be proud of - I was sitting there ... eating ... even in the best moments. Today I see that you can tell that I really didn't care about myself at all.

And then I was overwhelmed by the sadness - the sadness I always felt but never was able to recognize. I watched my siblings and friends play sports games: Soccer, Dodgeball but also just normal children's games because we were a big family (I'm the oldest of five) and always had friends around, and where was I? Sitting, declining the invitation to join the game, making photographs and telling myself that I don't fit in there.

And it is/was true: I was never able to play soccer as other kids - not only because I was heavy but also because I'm really bad at ballsports ;-) But it seemed that the feeling of not being able to have fun like the others started to expand and wasn't getting better over time obviously. I couldn't walk on our frozen lake in the winter or at least I didn't dare to - I stood outside and filmed ... I couldn't climb the trees like the others in an adventure park, so I stood outside and filmed ... immersed in my footage but excluded from adventure ... but still not wanting to change or even acknowledging that there was something that could be changed.

Learning photography by sitting and watching

You know, I don't think my only problem is/was my body - there's also a feeling, that I didn't WANT to fit in - I felt protected in my role as an outsider because I despised all the sparring we had as youths; jokes, pranks and games, games, games.

Yes, as I realized later, I'm a nerd - I lived my more contemplative side and there must be some positive things about myself too, because I had a lot of caring and positive people around me that stuck to me in every situation.

But back to the sadness - the first change started, when I realized, that I had brought it to the point, where my biggest dream: having my own horse and riding it, was starting to vanish. I had and have this stupid situation again: everyone around me is so healthy and fit, they can ride the horses but me, that really wishes to, can't. It's the one thing I cared about and when I first came to this realization, I cried a whole night long and many more followed.

My first horse Denicheur and the realization that I've become too heavy ...

But it wasn't supposed to be my way - my path was to first see the horse and accept it wasn't all about riding on it - and with my first horse, I started the first changes and it's amazing where I came too after 8 years now - I'm still heavy and maybe, riding won't be my foremost occupation, but I feel so much better!

Then I also discovered NerdFitness and overall with my decision of getting healthy, my life changed dramatically - I'm no longer refusing to participate (ok, ball games might still be my least loved) but  I started to get over my shyness and fear - my horses are a great help.

Today, after looking at those memories I'm telling myself no longer wanting to be arrogant so much and to find out what I want to do instead of sadly watching others having all the fun.

Thank you for reading - I really appreciate - it's not easy to write so openly, but I know I feel so much better afterwards.

Yours, Elanor

Summer 2016 - small steps with a stronger horse ... I still may be too heavy, but my perspective changed - better make small steps, then no steps at all!

From Workaholic to Work-Life-Balance

Source: Pixabay.com

I think this is some common topic in today's generation: feeling the urge to optimize your habits and at the same time staying healthy not only physically but also mentally.

After having a heavy emotional feeling throughout the last weeks, not getting out the negativity, I realized today, that I really need to take time also for my comfort zone. Everybody is talking about getting out of it, but you know, it's there where we take our energy from.

Of course, building up our discipline is really worth it, but if we start to forget where we came from, what relaxation is and notice, that our mind is constantly wrapped around the thing to do next, negativity easily creeps in.

So, I will look out for the things I really enjoy - that are not only there to make myself get rest because I feel so exhausted, like watching TV or playing League of Legends.

I love to sing, I really do - I love to be with my horses - I love to draw - I like to talk about philosophy - I like to read dramatic books ...

I guess there's a lot more and it's my new quest, to find out, what really makes my heart jump about in joy.

Here's a video of the designer Roberto Blake that I watch regularly and where he's talking about the same thing I mentioned:

Summer Update of my weight loss journey and 3 lifehacks - Elanor's Journ...

Summer Update of my weight loss journey and 3 exclusive tips to make weight loss more enjoyable - Elanor's Journey #12

After some months, I'm updating my weight loss progress after many ups and downs and yoyoing I finally start to find my balance and motivation again.

In this video I include an overview of my eating habits at the moment for a balanced breakfast, lunch, dinner and snacks, as well as for my exercise goals. And I will tell you some simple life hacks to make your weight loss meals more enjoyable and delicious while filling you up and being rich in protein and low in carbs.

Check out my article about my top 7 breakfast options for weight loss on my blog: http://elanorthefairsjourney.blogspot...

Go and see me drawing in my new channel:
https://youtu.be/SupqqCjnQRs

Buy self-designed merch:
http://www.jaanasartwork.spreadshirt.fr

Twitter: @ElanortheFair
Instagram: elanorsjourney

I'm back! Healing my body!

Yes, it's me! I took a break from writing while the preparations in my family for the pastry chef exams where around and I had to try and judge pastry nearly every day :P

But this break really changed everything - I suddenly was so relaxed I didn't even feel hungry anymore!!! Of course I'm sure to have gained the weight back, but I feel so much better and my body shows me with many subtle signs, that letting go of the stress while at the same time having cleared my emotions, was a very good thing.

A lot of my internet fitness buddy Apocalypse's diet suggestions stick around however - I'm having muesli every morning and force myself to have breakfast and just feel so amazing! I also try to stick to it with the meals - a big healing has happened inside of me and I can't thank him enough!!!

Overall I'm living a much healthier lifestyle than last year - snacking is no longer uncontrolled and I even start to get a grip on those portion controls. Weight wise, I doesn't seem to change, but screw the scale for the moment - I learn so much about myself - that's so much more important and I hope to be able to share some of those things in the next entries with you too. :-)

I was away a lot for work too. In Switzerland I was the co-trainer on a horse workshop. You can see me here, at minute 1:32 - I was working with this amazing stallion called Kelian - look at me close to this bundle of muscles and power!

And what now?

I've got a hometrainer bike!!!!

As it's been raining for over a week and there's flooded roads everywhere, I sat on that very old bike inside and yesterday I reached a round number, so I decided I'll challenge myself to do 100 km during the month of June!

It's a VERY old machine - very interesting - everything works mechanically, no digital display. It must be around 40-50 years old! The kilometers count shows already over 3000 km! Wow! This is what it looks like (photo isn't mine).



I sat on it the last 2 months rather casually, not really looking at the kilometers - but as the pastry exam is over I was looking for a new challenge - so here we go ;-)

You'll read me again on Wednesday - enjoy the rest of this Sunday and let's hope that it will sotp raining once in a while!

Yours,
Elanor

Conclusions of challenge #9

It took me some time to sit down and write this post - challenge #9 with the mealplan has really been instructive and I somehow know more about where I want to go now.

But it seems to need some preparation. As I wrote before - I feel like standing at a crossroad - knowing I will go, but not feeling a pressure to be in a hurry, but planning wisely the next move.

Putting myself through random challenges over and over again has made me stronger, but to make this real change, I will need a strategy to stick to for a longer period of time. There must be the one moment I can cure my food addiction and I figured out, there will be a period of rehab time.

So, to conclude this challenge, I went off track for the last week of this challenge because as I was forced to have some slips, it was getting more and more difficult to get back on track and I felt that this wasn't going to do me good.

I only shop for lean protein, potatoes, rice and muesli still but as my father and sisters are preparing for their pastry chef exams, there's temptation everywhere and they need a gusto from time to time. I cannot willpower through this (and do I even want?) without being well prepared.

It seems that I will have to refine several things yet and pay attention to those little things: tking into account that I will no longer be able to stuff my face with food when I'm feeling weak, depressed or stressed - that my body will feel to want to get more food in and I will not be as "strong" as I'm now, that my husband will have to know exactly what I'm doing etc.

Source: Pinterest.com

For travel, I will have to be prepared too: I will have to know exactly what I need, so I can say to my friends what I eat and what I don't whithout offending them. And I will have to be clear with all of this and don't let myself get distracted by the opinions of others and new fancy internet diets.

Do you think it's okay if I wait for all of this for four weeks until the pastry exams have passed? 

Well, I do think it's okay. 

But I will do another challenge anyway - a last one, that isn't 100% focused on my fitness goals, but more on preparing next challenge and building up mindfulness while eating and a clear daily structure that will help me afterwards.

Of course, I'm not looking into the weeks for binging but I will continue buying healthy foods and eat them! I just won't be very restrictive.

So, that's my word for today - last challenge really was great and hey! I finally got that hometrainer - it's a very old one stil relying on mechanics for measuring distance - some friend of mine surprised me with it - his grandpa wanted to throw it away - that's how the rewards come in. I'll post a picture soon!

Yours,

Elanor

Planning Weight loss

I'm about to get in the car to leave for Switzerland for work for the weekend - this is my challenge update post on-the-go.

For this challenge I've been surprised to have practical tools at hand how to get a grip on my eating habits although I wasn't really prepared for it. Yes, I know now that I can commit to this but that it also needs some commitment and planning of other things. I will have to set clear goals, create a step-by-step road I can stick to in a longer term than just one challenge. I'll have to set priorities in my life and set limits to where I say NO to temptation and how to still be able to join social meetings.

I'll also have to simplify my life more so I won't get triggered by stress so easily - and I will also have to start thinking of all of this like a rehab period: that will ask of me restriction, but that will transition to a normal life - my dieting won't rule all my day!!! But in the first time maybe.

So, this end of the week I wasn't perfectionist when it came to my diet. I'm happy to be able to prepare the trip to Switzerlnd and I will meet a lot of horses and people and maybe I'll also get osme feedback from outside on how to start all this process.

I thank you all for reading - sorry I couldn't write more - see you on Monday!
Yours,
Elanor

Do I need to jump to the next level?

So, this is me writing a thoughtful post today. First of all: I didn't lose any weight during last week, tough my body feels about 10 kgs lighter! I wasn't my best week concerning food - I felt terrible about it - sometimes I had so much work I forgot to eat, finding myself really starving, around other people stuffing themselves with chocolates and some special food, so I'm proud to say that I managed to stay "clean of candy" during the week, but sometimes I had to eat something that definetely wasn't on my plan because I had no other options and I already had waited for a better occasion for some hours.

I'm really glad about all the help I get in the Nerd-Fitness-Community and for every instruction, advice, experience or just good feelings shared. I don't know where I would be without you.

It's also great to be able to experience with the actual meal plan, how food addiction works and how my body is able to heal itself as long as I stick to it. But I'm also really surprised of how much a mental and psychological "battle" this is.

I won't go through all the detailed thoughts I went through during last week, but something seems to be sticking aroung. I have the feeling, that my struggle with food and health starts to reveal more and more other issues in my life - how my lifestyle affects me and who I am as a body and what I can do and what I can't.

Today I'm at a point where it feels that I need to make some overall level UP - within a year I managed to stop snacking and many more things I never thought possible. I hacked myself to a point, where I optimized my daily routine so I can get everything done. But now it seems, that if I really want to do this, I will have to commit to ... hm, how to say ... myself basically and to say "yes" to who I am and to my body and leave some things surrounding me at the same time.

As I have to leave the house now, it seems that it's not for today to write more in detail about it, but I wanted to let you know about all of this. It's an exciting adventure - thank you for being there with me!

Yours,
Elanor

Why it's been quiet for some days

I don't know why the last days I was so stressed - there was also going on a lot emotionally and everytime I sat down to write my next blogentry something blocked - as though I hadn't figured out something.

Before this week is over, I wanted to give everyone a sign, that I'm still alive. But I'm also not sure whether my inner block comes from a new wave of depression rising up - again, I'm confronted with some things I couldn't talk to anyone for a few days - now I forced myself to do it so I feel better.

Of course I've done a lot of other stuff but I also struggled with my diet because I really craved other foods and it was hard, being forced to sit and wait while my whole family stuffed themselves with chocolates and pastry and I start to crack after one hour - having to leave the room and feeling bad the rest of the day.

Any suggestions for this? It's especially difficult if we're sitting together and having to plan things throughout the week or having fun activities like board games, movie nights and - that's where I'll head now - photo slideshows of travel.

How do you manage those situations?

Thanks for reading!
Elanor

Learning to move again - Connecting to childhood

As a teenager I rode around with my bike throughout the countries we visited: in France I explored the hill around our house, in Germany we went on tours with my grandparents, in Italy I rode through the dry sun to cool myself, in Greece I played to be a horse rider and scout and I searched the environment for horses and in India I commited to the flow of traffic - rode for miles and miles and felt independent.

This week I got on my bike I had bought 2 years ago for fitness. I rode it a few times, but without really having fun. I'm 28 years old today and I have changed - physically mostly. I started disliking my bike last year, because I was used to drive city-bikes and this one is a mountain bike.

Riding through green fields on thursday

When I get up, I ride it as in the time when I was 13 years old - where the bike was my symbol of independence. But somehow it's different: my body behaves inexpectedly - I'm afraid of high speed, and I totally feel like a beginner.

This frustrated me. I wanted to do a 20 min ride to work up to an hour of biking through 1-2 weeks. After 3 mins my injured leg started to hurt - I put more power on the other, stretched it to get at least 5 mins. Then I got down, walked, stretched my muscles, got up for a few 100 meters again - thus making it a trip of 15 mins overall. As I was smart, I picked a tour that would be easier on the way home.

The feeling to ride was great - it really is my favorite way of exercising. But it feels frustrating to be at such a low level. I mean, those are not even baby steps - it's like having to learn everything all over again - as when I learned to bike as a little child: managing to drive my bike downhill into a bush so I wouldn't have to rely only on my skills to use the breaks. LOL

My hips and tighs have been hurting for two days because of those 15 minutes!!!!!! I mean, come on! At first I was worried if I had injurey myself - but no, yesterday, all pain was gone. It really only was soreness. Sigh. I still did two more rides, deciding I would go as long as it doesn't hurt and then immediatly go back.

Drawing I made for my NerdFitness character

What can I say? It resulted in a trip around my village and nothing more - less than 1km. I did it again today and made the trip some 500 meters more. But I started training my manoevering skills, driving closely around obstacles and over bumbs and unsteady ground - so it would be fun anyways.

It's hard to accept all of this, but you know why I keep doing it? Because the feeling in my body is so great afterwards!!! And the more I ride, the more I reconnect to the feeling of my childhood which I already believed forgotten! This makes my heart so joyful and I let go and listen to my body.

Yes, maybe I have to relearn how to move in this much heavier body first, before expecting more, but I love my body anyways - and in my heart, the independent warrior girl that traveled to find the horses is still the same! Maybe, she'll find the way to level up and fulfill her dream to ride horses again - in the past, she always found the way there in riding her bike first ...

... a little tear is rolling off my cheek as I write this ...

Thank you for reading!

What is Elanor's Journey? - Lord of the Rings second Generation - Elanor...

This is my diet

So, for those of you who want to see what I'm eating exactly throughout the week, here ya go:

I permit myself 1 rest day per week - this isn't supposed to be a cheat day but this time I ate some chocolate for example and we made dinner together as a family, having "Käs'spätzle" and a roasted pork. Typical german food.

Best Breakfast for Weight loss? Comparing 7 options I tried

In this article I want to share with you my experiences through the last 3 years with different styles of breakfast. I'm no nutritionist or trainer and those are just my personal experiences and I'm still experimenting new things every challenge to come.

Here's what I've
tried so far:

7. Eat whatever I want

Pros: I don't have the feeling to have to stress about too much - I buy what makes me feel good and I either eat or I don't.
Cons: I THINK that I'm not stressing about food - but in reality I either stuff myself with everything that's in the fridge or I don't have breakfast at all. So no eating habits are created and hunger comes when I least expect it and I'm never prepared enough.

Conclusion: Sometimes it's good to be open and to listen to your body and be flexible. But for my daily routine should be clear whether or not I want to have breakfast and how much of my daily calories this makes up. Screwing first thing in the morning makes the whole day stressful!

6. German breakfast: Bread with cheese, sausage, honey, jam ...

Pros: For a full workday you can fill yourself to be able to stand without break until 14 o'clock. It gives full power. The usual dark German bread (depending on which you take) is very good for the digestion and if you're ready to switch even for pumpernickels it's close to muesli. Top it with fresh cheese, veggies and ham or turkey: a healthy option.
Cons: First there's the macros: it's poor in vegetables and there's also only little protein but loads of fat and carbs - and if you top it with honey or jam there's the fast sugars too. Then it ends up for me to eat more than I wanted and on days where I go out with only one slice of bread, I'm starving around noon.

Conclusion: The "pumpernickel"-version is not for everyone. I like it but I can overeat on that too. Nowadays, when I'm at my friends house in Germany I start missing my protein and veggies in the mornings. Bread is my cryptonite and I tend to extremely overeat!!! And then I feel tired and bloated 2 hours later ... so, at home I no longer have it. My husband does though.

5. Porrige / Oatmeal

Pros: Protein and energy for your workouts! A decent breakfast with a lot of variations. Can be a replacement for muesli on cold days.
Cons: Loads of carbs and I haven't found a way to incorporate any vegetables - so mostly fruit - I lacked the protein and vegetables!

Conclusion: To sweet for my taste and the energy didn't last long. Plus the cooking where I usually managed to burn it because I don't have a microwave ...

4. Fasting until noon

Pros: Weight loss is about calories - so if you manage to stay the longest possible without eating, you can eat more later. Plus, some studies point to the theory, that longer periods of not eating can help to balance insulin levels better and you can get up and start working without worring about food until noon.
Cons: Intermittend fasting works for some, others - especially woman - seem to have more difficulty with it. Building up hunger throughout the morning can lead to binging on food the rest of the day too!

Conclusion: I did this for a long time and feel good about it - but since I work every morning I need my coffee and something to balance my guts.

3. Paleo breakfast: Bacon and Eggs plus vegetables - high protein and high fat

Pros: A real meal to start the day. You'll be satiated for a long time and really feel powerful.
Cons: Cooking in the morning isn't really my thing and it's very calorie dense - so you have to reduce thoughout the day.

Conclusion: Don't believe weight loss involves really tasty food? Try this one!!! I made bacon and eggs for a long tima in the morning and lost 15 kgs!!!

2. Only coffee with milk / Bulletproof coffee

Pros: Very simple and clear breakfast. If you take whole fat milk (or butter/coconut oil in case of the bulletproof coffee) you'll have the feeling to have started oyur metabolism. Make a big pot.
Cons: You'll become dependend of coffee and it's not really to be considered to be a meal. So, you have the same hungry feeling as with the fasting.

Conclusion: my favorite although it's not really balanced. I don't do bulletproof coffee because I hate the taste, but I take a big bowl with half coffee half whole fat, preferedly organic, milk.

1. Home made Muesli

Ok, so Muesli comes in 2 forms: the pre-packaged one that you can buy in the stores and the homemade one. I usually do it myself because I hate all the artificial sugars, honey or raisins in the packages - not because of the calories but because of the taste. So what I'll do is to buy oats and fresh fruits - a little more work, but the taste is not to be compared.
Pros: Great to be varied. You have total control over the ingredients: macros and calories. Yoghurt or quark provides a lot of protein.
Cons: A little too sugary for me with a bit too many carbs. Takes nearly as long to prepare as bacon with eggs.

Conclusion: Home made muesli is what I'm doing at the moment - as I said, it's not my favorite taste but it just feels good and you have the most control!


Ok, so Muesli has made the top of my list here too - sounds like clichée but it's my conclusion for the moment and you see, that I tried some thing already ;-)

This is my post for today - hope you enjoyed it and if you want, feel free to share and subscribe! Posts are coming twice a week and there usually is a Vlog on weekends too!

Yours,
Elanor

Trying a new diet! - Spirit Stallion of the Cimarron cover song - Elanor...

Trying a new diet - Challenge #9

It's challenge time!!! Last week was full of preparation!

Together with a fellow rebel we prepared a diet meal pland and I really want to find out how much weight I'm able to drop with it in the next 4 weeks.

It's protein-rich because it contains loads of yoghurt, quark, fish and chicken. The fat comes from olive oil and the rest is either oats, rice or swedish crispbread. It's a little more carbs than I usually do, but I'm looking forward to!!!

And of course there's loads of vegetables. I took my measurements yesterday already and made my weigh in. Now wish me luck for everything. My other goals for this challenge will be to workout again 9 times overall - that makes a little more than 2 workouts a week - but I won't do any lunges anymore as my injury after the last time really was annoying me.

My other goal is to meditate everyday for about 5 minutes and see what impact it has. I want to try so many things and the challenges are always great for it :-)

I wanted to do a video of my groceries that I got for the new mealplan but I wasn't able to do shopping on Saturday so I'll only be able to do it next week. Read me again soon!

Yours,
Elanor

You can be FAT and be FIT

It's wednesday and I wanted to talk about how my challenge ended but instead I want to talk about another subject. You can read my challenge's conclusion on the NF-boards.

Over the weekend I was at a horse workshop I really enjoyed - those who follow this blog regularly know my passion are horses but to be overweight and wanting to ride always causes some morality struggle: how much can you make your horse carry around. So, I started to feel guilty and not as good in shape as the others so I was no longer allowing myself to ride.

But I noticed, that through my intense diet and exercise practises, even though I'm not perfect at anything, I feel I've become really a fit person. I see so many people having the ideal body proportions but I reached a point this weekend, where I nearly had one of the best capacities when it came to strenght and endurance - compared to the other woman around my age.

Have you seen the beautiful videos of MODE on YouTube that went viral some time ago of that wonderful round lady performing amazing yoga postures? Or the "big guy" excelling at parcour? I will leave you the videos here to encourage everyone to no longer accept the opinion that you have to be at a certain bodyweight to perform something. 

As a kid I loved Jake from "The Blues Brothers" dancing like a God. Didn't you?

So, I think on one hand this post is an encouragement, that you can be heavy and still follow your dreams - on the other hand it shows also, that exercise alone won't make the fat disappear. I just signed up for a new blog called "Dances with fat" of a beautiful dancer who is really passionate and writes inspiring and pleasant articles about no longer shaming yourself for being more round than others.

For my horse I will start a new diet challenge on Sunday (Mealplan is already prepared) and I will stick to it to make the pounds disappear if possible - but I will also stay true to my passion. Being FAT only concerns your measurements and eventually the number a scalel says - but it says nothing about how strong, endurant or agile you are!

Keep that in mind - I hope I was able to motivate you again on your journey!

Yours,

Elanor

Having a beer in Munich

Ok it's only a Radler wich is a Mix of beer and soda. As you can see Im not very strict with my diet nowadays. My trip to germany is going well but it's stressful. And lots of great food of course. After my Workout on Sunday im left with an injured foot so no Workouts in the Moment too.

Norah Jones guitar and vocal cover: Come away with me - Elanor's Journey #9

Motivation to Record Music

So, today I woke up at 5:30 a.m. because me and my husband will leave for a trip to Germany to see our family, I did my workout and recorded a short video message which I just edited and added the 3rd song of this challenge that I recorded.

It's always amazing how the habits I choose to build turn out. This challenge's goals were to record and upload one song every week, to get some experience. You know, I don't want to be perfect in my recordings, I just want to DO them. There has to be a start somewhere and we all know we will suck the first times but it's "getting better all the time" ;-)

Once you make the first step, there's only improvement - even if you try to tell yourself that you're awful at what youre doing, you can't deny that there still is some improvement anyway.

The same is true for my recordings and you know what? I got motivated to record not only myself but also convinced my sisters to let me record them playing the piano and make a CD for our grandma with just 6 songs. I could easily add one of the songs I had recorded and wow - never thought that could be possible!!!

pixabay.com

The only thing I can tell you if you have a dream is to make one first step in any little way towards it - one where you can overcome your fear. If it's just to record you playing the drum on your cell phone and only listening to it yourself, that's fine. Next time you might share it with a close friend.

What really is important is that you choose a goal for yourself so you get to do it. Otherwise you'll push it away for later and never do it. Take 4 weeks, set some really easy goals and let yourself get inspired!!!

Make sure to check in here again during the week to see pictures from our trip to Bavaria!!!

Yours,
Elanor

Lonely Day - What is depression? - SoaD Guitar cover - Elanor's Journey #8

Forgot to share the 2nd song!!!!!!!!!

Leveling up my workout

I'm preparing for a trip to Germany at the moment, but I also found my motivation again to work out. Maybe I'll even find a way to work out while I'm on the road - I'll update of course here ;-)

In lack of a gym nearby I do some bodyweight exercises like push ups, squats, lunges, planks etc. Of course, I reduce the movements so I can do them in good form. If somebody is ready that has no idea what this might look like, here are some examples:

Instead of push ups on the floor I do wall push ups (yes, just standing in front of a wall).

Instead of lunges I do split squats:

After doing 4 times the "level 1" workout, I now switch to "level 2", adding some more repetitions and I'm really looking forward to it. So, before lunch, I'll head over to it - I hope to do a more detailed update of my fitness challenge.

Read me soon!
Yours, Elanor

Dealing with Depression

I hate those kind of titles on the internet - everyone seems to be affected by depression nowadays - and now I find myself writing the exact thing because I really have to explain why there hasn't been any update on Wednesday.

I never thought about depression until it struck me last year around the day it was one year my mother had died and that I had some issues in my work. I knew some people that had had depression themselves but I also had met people that liked that depression made them feel special or that were just not suitable for society so they had to be "kept alive" with drugs and even others, that wanted to make others feel guilty.

When is the point that you diagnose a depression? It seems, that other than at the moment you receive it by a doctor, mostly people have to make this diagnose themselves because they no longer understand what's going on - or a friend/family member telling you.

It reminds me of starting to loose weight: because you can't really talk about it, it's all about that one moment when you decide for yourself to start changing - even if you don't know how to start.

Some time ago I wrote an article on this blog about myself starting to face my stuff more than stuff my face and I started to speak my mind and let go of being perfect to get everything out - especially if it's just small, unimportant things, I tend to swallow them but sometimes later the inner chocolate monster arises and wants me to compensate this social stress. And if I can't talk about it with the person implied I will talk about it with a friend or write a blogpost about it.


To be fair, I announced this to my family members so they don't get shocked and for myself this is really good and I feel much lighter.

2 days later my sister walked up to me and said she wanted to do that too. She was struggling a long time already to find words and she spent some of her teen years more recluded than her personality usually was. In the last year we barely were able to speak with her because she felt blocked.

But what I had said seemed to touch her and within 3 days she let go and talked about all her fears and pressure she's making herself and her depressed feelings. It was a big opening and sometimes not easy to digest if you see someone so close to you talking about a lot of depressing things.

So, all my energy was focused around that - she had the real depression, one that you're unable to express, just a mindset that pulls you into a more and more dark environment. But it helped so much, that I had read about people having depression and that so many are open to talk about it - so please keep spamming the internet about depression!!!! I now fully understand!

I'm also glad that I can understand my sister today after my breakdown last year, because how to imagine the inability to speak? I mean, it's just opening your mouth to someone you trust! So, you have to have experienced it to understand it!



So, today I recorded my next song and I think I will upload the video tomorrow, I did my workout and yesterday we went shopping for a healthy weekend diet wise. I also finally was able to start working on the next book project with my boss which is quite exciting and FINALLY the weather starts to shift and the sun is showing up!

Let the sun shine in!!!

and to celebrate all of this, here comes my favorite song from the movie "Hair" (somewhat depression also, but very very powerful!!!!):

Songs of freedom: Redemption song cover - Elanor's Journey #7

Workout done!!! - Looking for a reward!

Yeah - I've been rocking my first workout! My body just feels awesome!!!

I love this meme I just found because I also destroyed myself: my ego! It's always talking me into staying in my comfort zone but I feel so good when just moving at least a little.

But one thing I'm still lacking: my reward for the completion of the challenge - any ideas someone?

I think I won't write more today - just enjoy the feeling of a great day!

You can read more about my progress in detail in my Nerd fitness Batlle log!

Yours, Elanor

Here comes my Nerd fitness Challenge #8!

This are my goals for the challenge starting today on rebellion.nerdfitness.com :

You can see my overall epic goals here!

Challenge from February 29th to March 25th 2016

My diet quest:

track the "unhealthy" food (all that's not paleo) in my agenda

My fitness quest:

Do at least 9 workouts in those 4 weeks (2-3 per week)

My life quest (I consider it fitness related):

Record one song per week and upload it to YouTube

Mini-Quests

What I want to get done in those 4 weeks

- Work with each of my horses at least once

- Do a 10 km hike with my husband and the dogs

- Finish to install my fitness space

- Reorganize my workspace

Finishing Mini-Fitness Challenge no. 7

It's 6 o'clock in the morning and I can't sleep again after my husband left for work at 4. As I want to get enough rest for the day, I decided doing this blogpost now so I don't get stressed about it later - at least that's what's been happening throughout the week, leading to not having written a thing on wednesday and not yet having recorded the new video.

But I'm eagerly preparing the challenge which is starting today. But I wanted to update how the last challenge ended. Here's the copy-paste that I wrote in my Nerd Fitness challenge-log:

Ok, this challenge did not work the way I intended but led me to rethink several things and I finally think that I found out more about what suits me. So, just to recap what I’ve done this 2 weeks:

• I informed myself about thyreoid issues (maybe I’ll write more about this on my blog).
• I reinstalled my computer and finally got some work done
• I reorganized my daily scedule to be able to flow again
• I prioritized my mental health also, writing about how I feel on my blog but I also made it a priority to speak up immediatly when I feel stressed about someone and resolve the issue - as small as it might be
• I focused on what really helped me: paleo diet and not fussing so much about counting calories. Result: weight gain stopped! I’m so relieved. I’m feeling more energetic again and my immune system starts to be in good shape.
• I informed myself about how strenght training works and how the exercises can be properly done taking in consideration my massive weight because I have the tendency to overdo them and making to much.
• I spent around 2-4 hours outside working almost everyday in every weather.
• I got enough sleep whenever I needed.
• I spent 5 days in listening to spiritual retreat talks (about 3 hours) while doing my daily chores

I could add to this list many things but those are real achievements and I think that I deserve my reward and to consider this challenge a real level up! I will buy myself a new agenda as I said.

And another reward I already started celebrating: you know, I want to find a way in doing more strenght training again - softer, but more often. I realized that I needed some space for this where I felt comfortable doing the movements - a batcave somewhere I like to be. So, today I started decluttering a part of my bedroom that was used for laundry and I will install myself there - level by level - with my dumbbells, my yoga mat etc.  yay!

So, I hope you read me again soon with the details for my new challenge!

Yours,

Elanor

What changed my life! Nerdfitness.com - a Tribute - Elanors Journey #6

Social Stress

Okay, it's Monday instead of Sunday and the new video isn't edited yet too (I hope you'll like it!) - I returned late yesterday because I spent some nice time watching the movie "we bought a zoo". But it's not the only reason I didn't write.

How can I avoid stress with other people? How can I learn to let go if it seems that someone just doesn't get what I want to say and I carry my emotions about that around for several days? What if I truly feel that I'm not recognized for what I am and that someone just wants to "be the good guy" and perfect in every way but isn't ready to just do what is to be done?

I really appreaciate people helping me in my daily chores but I don't like to be the "poor amd weak" person in need. If I feel that someone treats me this way I start getting irritated - I'd rather do everything on my own and be proud of what I've done afterwards then spending time with someone that belittles me.

But what gets me to LOATHE someone is, if he/she refuses to listen or to open his/her ears that reality maybe isn't the way they think and to be open to communicate. Ok then, stay in your cloud that turn just around yourself but don't freak out when I don't want to be in your company until you're back to normal.

OMG, that is some kind of rant but I'm trying today to get this thoughts out of my head in this blogpost so I will no longer have to carry them around -

Such social struggles really stress me out and I watch myself reaching over to the pizza and bread and just pushing them in my mouth to distract me. It's the feeling of being helpless because I love the person but there is no way to reach him/her and it ends in an argument in wich I usually win but where the other has to yield.

But winning is not what I want - I just want a tiny little bit of understanding.

I want to be with people that are strong, that don't belittle me but that take up challenges together with me. People that love life and are not overly perfect but instead love imperfections.

So, now, this rant is out and maybe some of you can relate. Today I realize that these moments are, what lead me to emotional eating and I learn to cope with it. I'm more and more relaxed and try to build my eating habits in a way that such a mini-binge won't destroy all my hard work.

Thank you for reading - can anyone out there realte to me?

Yours,
Elanor

Aching to make music!

I just watched those guys over and over again - they are so amazing!!! Please enjoy!

Making videos for this blog has really inspired me to film myself singing - of course, it won't be as catchy and professional as those guys but I ache to do so already since last year!!! I love singing and playing the guitar and I've developed some skill overtime. It would be just for fun and to get out some of my emotions.

Here, this clip was made on chistmas evening 2013 - I had a cold, there was a storm outside and the only thing I did was humming ;-)

Is there some news from me from the fitness battlefront?

Well - I screwed all my goal because nothing goes according to plan this week but there's definetely something worth sharing with you guys: MY COMPUTER IS RUNNING AGAIN!!!!

So, now only the installing of software is to be done and I will be operational again. Let's hope for the next clip to be edited correctly again.

Back to fitness :P

I did some research concerning the hashimoto-thyreoiditis disease I might be concerned with. I wanted to know more as it is common in my family and I'm really the biggest of everyone. I found a course in German language that explains really good - I'm watching the videos and hope to be finished with it by Sunday so I can tell you more.

Somehow I'm really confident and trusting at the moment although I gained weight back because it feels that I'm discovering things that are suitable for my journey in the future and there will be better weeks.

I'll leave you with this short glimpse of my feelings and you'll read me again on Sunday!

Yours
Elanor

The progress I didn't notice for several years

There's been much I wanted to write about today but there's something I want to reflect on more specifically - this is why I'm writing this blog: to get my thoughts out of my head - like the pensieve in the Harry Potter series.

Pensieve

Yesterday I met my father and my full sister again. I hadn't met her in about 6 months or so. I was a little anxious about the meeting, but it went good and wont be the main focus of today's article.

I really felt for so many years I was the least fit person in my family. Yes, I had my horses but I thought "fit" meant to be thin - wich isn't true it seems. Some time ago I wrote an entry here where I said I thought that moving everyday for approximately 2,5 hours wasn't very much to me.

But meeting my other family made me realize how I had changed. Aside from the people doing physical work, most designers or other office employees rarely spend even half the time each day with physical activity! My father gets up to take a walk from time to time and I considered him to be fit. In my environment I know only one person overall that does any kind of regular training.

It seems I've confused being fit to being thin. My weight may be one issue but over the years I've become one of the fittest persons in my family: endurant, strong and flexible. I can work 3-4 hours with no problem - I can lift nearly as good as my husband - I can walk 10 km over hills - I can do any physical work - I might not be as efficient with tools however ;-)

This stuns me because it's not always been this way - it's been some kind of struggle. It started already about 5-6 years ago, when I quit my little boutique in the neighboring town to live more in nature and get to move more instead sitting in the shop all day.

Since then I evolved slowly but never dared to dream that one day I would feel more comfortable in moving than my father would, doing all farm work on my own AND carrying around my bodyweight. Yeah, I already surprised myself of thinking about going for a hike in the alps with my grandfather - something I always dreaded because I would be the one panting and sweating the most.

I think this would be a kind of holiday I'd like to do with my husband in the next months or so.

THIS FEELING IS AMAZING!!!!

I want to stop today and honor this moment - there's still such a long road to go, but I realized, it's not been the fact of myself doing training - it's been the decision I made in 2010-2011 that was the change - everything else followed naturally - at it's own pace.

So, maybe I'll be able to write to you soon about my trips to the alps - I feel really touched and I want to say thank you to myself, the universe and everything!

- Thanks for reading
Elanor

How YouTube makes me more accountable #ElanorsJourney

Goodies and baddies

I'm one day late again and on Sunday I just left you my Vlog but it summarized very well everything I wanted to say. I'm still doing one more rest week and because I don't know what kind of article I should write today (not that I'm lacking ideas but I decided not to stress to much today), I just wanted to update what went good and bad the last days.

Goodies

I'm getting more and more peaceful inside and I start to accept more and more who I am and be ok with it. I'm not where I set my goals and it's good to pursue them, but I've achieved so much that if I don't give credit to that, I will end up only pressuring myself wich leads me to eating because of stress.

Baddies

My diet is really going crazy in the meantime. Many things still stick and my eating habits are much more regular than they were before but I'm eating too much, too often and the wrong things - *sigh.


I hope you see me on the NF-boards on Sunday - yours,
Elanor

Life Level-up: done a 10km hike!!! Elanor's Journey

Week of Rest

Again one day late for this post!

So, because of my Computer problems I totally overlooked that the next NF-Challenge started on Monday. I will maybe join everyone on Sunday but I haven't got any new goals preapred yet and I'm still struggling to get my PC running again.

I will have to send in my Hard Drive or get a new one - I desperately wait for the answer of the manufacturer for the warranty.

It's good to see how my goals stick and which of them are easier and which aren't. The 1-snack-a-day goal works pretty fine and relieves me of much stress.

I will leave it here - I'm on my sister's computer and the next day's I'll focus more on cleaning the house and getting everything organized.

You'll read me soon!!!

- Yours Elanor

Blogging without computer and noticing muscle gains

It's Sunday night and I had to wait for my husband to go to bed to be able to write this article on his computer because - as I said before on my Vlog - my own computer broke down on Friday.

I'm so glad I already had saved all my files and tomorrow morning I will be calling the company concerning the hard drive's warranty - until everything is solved I will then be reduced to check my e-mails and Facebook on other family member's computers which means, as I'm a graphic designer, I won't be able to work neither to make my Vlogs and stuff ... sigh ...

Okay, so let's talk about fitness and weight loss again so I can distract my mind a little.

(*clenches teeth because Myfitnesspal won't allow myself to connect via Facebook on this computer ...*)

Even though my weight loss progress scale wise is minimal and I can't really track my day neither on MFP nor on Habitica without having to log in and out every few minutes, I start to see progress. I really struggled with my farm work in the past few week but finally my body seems to have adapted to it. I need to take 1-2 days off per week, but I'm no longer at the limits of my strenght and endurance everytime so I gain hope for the future.

My plan is to add more of the following to my daily activities: gardening (yummy healthy food), dancing, strenght training.

The Nerdfitness challenge ends today and I'll have a whole week to decide on new goals and I will definetely start in incorporationg more exercise into my day via the mentioned activities.

I also will find a way to cut out grains more and more and restricting my snacks even more, starting to pay attention to my macros. What the exact goals will be to achieve this is not yet decided though.


I think I'll leave you with this short update for today - you might read more on Wednesday because even though the challenge has ended, I will update here twice a week as usual.

Thanks for your support - please give me a +1 or leave me a comment if you like what I write to show me you're there.

For more results on my challenge results, please see my battle log on the NF-Forums

Yours,
Elanor

Computer problems so no videos in the next weeks

Sticky goals

Although I really had a stressful day where only little went as I planned I'm just amazed about how well my goals have worked out. I started creating those really small lifestyle changes in November - relying on what I had learned throughout the year before.

Many adjustments had to be made - I was really glad of finding out about habitica - a RPG-style habit creator where I can make lists, rewards, challenges etc. it's really fun and definetely helps me to keep track - I can't imagine where I'd be without it.

My Habitica today

In focusing only on small changes I seem to have learned more about myself and really started to change. I was able to stick to all of my daily goals today with very little effort and even though I felt depressed and longed for food to fight the feeling in the afternoon.

I realize what Steve Kamb is talking about building an antifragile system now and that those things really exist.

I'll leave you with only these short words for today, I'm tired but in a good way: we just finished gaming night playing League of Legends and I hope I'll be able to edit and upload the next Vlog tomorrow as I've recorded it already last Saturday.

All the best to everyone!
Elanor

I'm digesting my change of mindset

Hello my dear readers!
A very ... special ... week has just ended and I don't know yet, where my mind is at the moment. Most of it is fitness/weight loss related - but there are a few other personal things that changed too.

The scale wasn't very kind to me today - seems that I've gained weight again - aliments with wheat really seem to make me bloated even though I stay within my calorie goal ... gluten sensitive? I don't know - there are so many sceptic people about it - but I'll stick to my opinion, that the paleo diet is the best for me so I won't worry too much about.

So, this was my first "discovery" of the week: it ALSO matters WHAT I eat, not only, how many calories it has - sigh. Second: I'm still thinking about how to integrate more exercise into my day but on the other hand I feel exhausted also. I hope I will build more and more endurance - I do quite a workout everyday in the stables but I really would love to do more!!!!!!!!!

Then my sister's finally got her driving license! She's so proud because driving was one of her greatest hobbies and now she's finally allowed to do it with any normal vehicle on normal roads. It really will be a big help for all of us.

On the other hand it reminded me of the time when I made my license - how much difficulty I had to put everything into practical. I really feel comfortable learning theoretical stuff but never really found my place in anything physical - often because I was so heavy. It's not that I need to be better than others but I would really love to enjoy moving again - not feeling to have to push myself but that everything flows ... just because of the fun of it ...

... omg, I'm nearly crying now - I didn't expect this - but it is true: I struggle to move this heavy body everyday and the best it gets is still so much less than any "normal" person - it's so much easier for them ...

...

Let's look at it in a more lighthearted way:

So, while I'm gulping down my water I still need to drink for today I have to say, that I'm happy overall - I just need to digest everything. So much is coming to the surface of my mind at the moment that I'm sometimes just sitting around and thinking.

But I know this will pass and that my comittment to this blog, my fitness and diet will help me.

I've prepared a better shopping list so I will make sure to have enough protein and veggies around for next week and I want to incorporate some squats, planks, push ups and inverted rows into my daily work, as well as added some clear goals to my habitica.

Please excuse me for this random ramble today and I hope you check in again!

Yours,
Elanor